Procreated in India

Just to Brighten your Tuesday...

2012-01-24T09:07:00.000-05:00

Bella (as I walk into her room this morning with a tissue in my hand): "You have boogers in your nose."
Me: "Yes, I do."
Bella: "I put my boogers in my mouth."

How We Get Bella to Eat

2012-01-22T20:07:00.000-05:00

So, since (judging by our comments) many of you have been enjoying the Potty Training Saga here at our house, I decided to move on to the Eating Chronicles. Let me know when either of these series start to get old :).

As a child, I was one of the pickiest eaters alive. No, I'm not joking, or exaggerating. I ate peanut butter, pasta, pancakes, cucumbers, watermelon, apples, bread products, and dessert...and pretty much nothing else. I was a nightmare (I once SLEPT at the kitchen table versus try a food I didn't think I'd like--try bringing a kid like that to a dinner party).

As I entered adulthood, I changed this. I still can't make myself eat any meat (I've been a vegetarian since the age of 6), but I eat healthy, real food, and I can *usually* go places without being worried about being rude to a host...at least as long as there is something other than meat and potatoes on the menu.

I was determined that Bella would not end up like me. So from the beginning, we offered only healthy options and offered them many times. Her first taste of sugar was her first birthday. She still only drinks milk or water. Chocolate is limited to rewards for pottying properly (hence why it works--she wouldn't think it worthwhile if she got it for free all the time!), and I've never given her any other candy. For a long while, she ate well.

Then she turned the magical age of 2.

Books told me she'd get pickier as a toddler. I hoped they were wrong. They weren't.

The worst of it began at our neighbor's house. Shawn was out of town, and they'd invited us over for dinner. Bella ate some mushrooms for the first time--took what I thought was too big of a bite--and threw up all over her plate. I apologized profusely, cleaned up after my kid, and vowed to cut things up smaller when we were in company.

The next night (Shawn was still gone), a different set of neighbors had us over for dinner. (I have fabulous neighbors). Again, there were mushrooms, and I took great care to cut them into minuscule pieces. Despite my meticulousness, Bella vomited again.

That's when I made a horrific discovery: my kid inherited my I-don't-like-this-food gag reflex.

For years, if I tried to make myself eat something I didn't like, I'd gag or vomit. This led to more anxiety about trying new foods/making myself worry stuff down, and it got worse. Only once I had my own house in college could I try things in private--sometimes masking their taste entirely in salad dressing, marinara sauce, etc.--did I mainly master this problem (although I still can't get down meat or food that's really mushy).

I didn't want my food issues to become Bella's, so I taught my kid the VERY socially polite alternative to throwing up unwanted food: spitting it out (I'm only being a little sarcastic. Spitting out food isn't all that polite, maybe, but it's better than vomiting at someone's dinner table!)

That's when she learned the words "I don't like that." And started using them. All the time. Whenever she didn't want something.

I didn't want to make an issue out of it at first. I didn't want meals to become a battle. But I soon saw that her diet was getting very restricted, just like mine was as a kid. This wasn't a good outcome, either. So, we did some more reading, talked some more, and came up with a solution last week.

Bella gets to pick her food for 1 or 2 meals each day, within reasonable restrictions. (Natural peanut butter and jelly on whole wheat bread for breakfast is fine. Apple pie is never a meal option). The other meal or two, I pick what's put in front of her. She has 3 options:

Eat the meal in front of her
Legitimately try it (i.e. take a real bite and start chewing), decide she doesn't like it, she gets offered fruit or vegetable options to replace the meal she rejected. This works for Bella because if she does like it on the first bite, she'll continue eating it. If this stops being the case, we'll re-evaluate our current plan.
She doesn't try it and doesn't eat again until the next meal. (This is sometimes painful for us, too, as she gets hungry and cranky, but it's worth it in the long term). This includes not getting chocolate for using the toilet--even if she's done it successfully.

We don't fight about the options, and I've already stopped discussing them with her all that much. We've been doing the 3-option method for about a week. She went to bed hungry twice, and I think she's already decided that we mean it that she can try the food or go hungry. Because tonight, she looked at her chicken casserole and pushed it away declaring "I don't like that!" I told her to try it or be hungry. She took one bite, and then proceeded to eat three helpings, chicken, beans, peppers, tomatoes, rice, onions, and all.

And since I didn't want to try the meal that I made, I went hungry...at least until after she went to bed!

In Which I Am the Best Mother Ever...

2012-01-12T08:07:00.000-05:00

...or not.

I posted on here that we had started potty training a while ago. For a 2.5 yo, I can confidently say that Bella is potty trained during the day...or well, uh, mostly. Meaning that, of course, we do still have the occasional accident here or there. But most days, the only time I'm changing wet pull-ups/diapers/underwear is first thing in the morning, and all other bathroom-ing is happening in the bathroom. It's bliss, let me tell you.

However, then there are times like this past weekend. We went to visit Shawn's family, and she was hanging with her cousins (she has 6 cousins that are all between 6 months and 4. Get togethers are insane). And, seriously, with all those cousins to play with, who cares about getting to the bathroom in time to pee?

I was prepared for that...mostly (we did run out of pull-ups). However, I was NOT prepared for the accidents to continue once we got home and there weren't all the fun cousins around. Then I was annoyed.

And this is where I get the award for being the best mother ever.

For each morning Bella wakes up dry, she gets a piece of chocolate (so far, this isn't enough of an incentive to stay dry overnight all that often). She also gets one if all elimination during the day took place in the toilet and not out of it. So on Monday night, after a day of being annoyed by cleaning up "accidents" (they were starting to seem deliberate to me), instead of waiting until Bella was asleep to eat my chocolate for the night, I ate it.

In front of her.

Of course, she wanted some. To which I replied: "You only get chocolate when you use the potty. Every time I needed to go pee today, I used the toilet. You didn't. That means I get chocolate and you don't. If you want chocolate tomorrow, use the potty instead of peeing your pants."

Bella whined and cried a little. But on Tuesday, she didn't have a single accident.

Just for a Laugh...

2012-01-05T19:12:00.000-05:00

For the last three years, the biology teacher from my former work place has asked me to come and be a guest lecturer for his 10th grade (think 4th year, or 15-16yo students, depending on where you live in the world). While I am singularly unqualified to teach most science, I'm sure you could guess that I'm asked to come and talk about surrogacy. (I'm apparently the POSTER CHILD for ART for everyone I know).

It's always one of my favorite days of the year. The students are mostly kids I used to teach, so I know them, and it's like going home. I have a happy, attentive audience of teens I adore and still miss like crazy. Plus, I get to talk to them about the modern scientific miracle that brought us Bella. Just a great day all around.

So that was my afternoon yesterday, talking to all of them about surrogacy. I saw at one point that a few of the kids looked confused, so I gave them an analogy my uncle had come up with and saw the proverbial light-bulb go on. I asked toward the end of the class how many of them had understood my explanation of surrogacy when I'd taught them and told them about Bella's pregnancy three years ago. All of them instantly told me they'd understood almost nothing--just that I was somehow going to have a baby in India. They didn't understand the genetics, the science, any of it, and I got a lot of "Wow, it makes so much more sense now!".

Then this morning, I get a call from my mom. The mom of one of the girls in the class is friends with my mom. When they saw each other yesterday night, S said to my mom: "J came home from school today and told me: 'Mom, I finally get it. Mr. and Mrs. F baked a cake. They just had to bake it in someone else's oven!'."

Our Surrogacy Future

2011-12-21T14:53:00.000-05:00

So after a lot of thinking, talking, praying, and considering dozens of scenarios, Shawn and I have the important points of our future plans settled.

I've never really shared a lot of what I am about to, because it's not terribly encouraging, and it mainly just applies to me. Know that what I'm about to say has a lot more to do with my own particular psychological issues than it does anything else, and is in no way meant to criticize any of my doctors or medical care here in the states or in India.

I had surgery when I was 20 (related to my fertility issues), and it was a very emotionally traumatic time in my life. Since then, I've had trouble with hospitals. I just don't like them, and being in them tends to make me feel really anxious. Most of the time, this is something I can deal with easily enough--I can go and visit someone who is sick and not have an anxiety attack or anything. But when I have to be admitted, it's a different story. Doing IVF in India..and being handed a newborn in a hospital and made to stay there overnight while adjusting to the biggest lifestyle shift I'll ever have to make? Let's just say it wasn't the easiest thing I've ever done.

Add to that a rather intense irrational fear of needles. I often pass out or come close to it when I have my blood drawn. I really hated the whole IVF procedure.

Not to say it wasn't worth it. I'd go through much more to have Bella. But I remember being in Mumbai back in '08 thinking I can never do this again. I pray there's a baby at the end of all this, because I NEVER want to go through this again.

So I was beyond thrilled when M2 got pregnant with our last batch of frozen embryos. It seemed perfect--yes, I'd have to do the picking up the baby at the hospital thing, but it wouldn't be as overwhelming this time (I've done the newborn thing now. I didn't kill her.). But I wouldn't have to ever think about doing IVF again.

And then M2 miscarried.

To be perfectly honest, I was thrilled with the prospect of another baby, but once the initial sadness of losing the second pregnancy passed, I've generally taken a long look at my life and thought that I have nothing to whine about. I have a beautiful, amazing, perfect daughter. So many people who started out in shoes similar to mine will never have that. Part of me (a big part, honestly), wanted to just say "Look at what we have. I'm content. Let's be done. I want to really put infertility behind me."

And I could do that. In most ways, Shawn could too.

BUT:

We're still young. I'm only 30. My eggs are good for at least another 5 years, possibly up to 10. We'd rather have another baby or two than not have more children. Bella is more likely to wish she had a sibling than wish we hadn't produced one for her. 10 years is a long time to wish we'd made a different decision, and it's a decision we are making now.

We always knew if we decided to try again, we'd try in 2011 or 2012. Shawn cares a lot about Bella and kid 2 being within 3-4 years of each other's age. I care a lot about getting the newborn thing over with if I'm doing it again (have I mentioned how much more I enjoy parenting a toddler versus when Bella was a baby? Only a thousand times? Really?)

So, we decided to try again. Soon. (We're still working out the details of how/when/where that's going to happen. We'll share when we know them).

However, considering both our finances and how emotionally difficult IVF/miscarriages have been, we agreed that this is it. This is our last attempt. We're fertilizing a limited number of my eggs, so that we'll only have enough to try again once.

We know we're taking a risk. (Heck, surrogacy is one gigantic game of roulette with awfully high stakes, isn't it?) But we agreed that if we've made 3 attempts, one of them being a fresh transfer, that if we're not pregnant by that point, it just wasn't God's plan for us.

We don't want to keep throwing away money that we could be using toward Bella's future...or our present. We still almost never go out to eat. We haven't bought a piece of non-baby furniture since our first year of marriage. The floor in our kitchen is in need of refinishing and we haven't touched it yet. Our upstairs carpet looks like someone smeared mud into it in places, and even steam cleaning doesn't help much. It'll be nice not to be saving tens of thousands of dollars toward surrogacy at some point. Please don't get me wrong: children are worth so much more to us than a new carpet or new furniture. It's just that I envy people whose husbands have the same job mine does, get to have babies cheaply, and are constantly buying fun, new stuff. (Ok, vapid moment over, I promise). I am trying to keep life in a proper perspective. We're so grateful to have the opportunity to even make these decisions, and know that there are so many people out there that wish they could have our problems. I've thought many, many times in the last 5 tears, infertility sucks, but it would be a million times worse to be infertile and poor. We're so lucky.

So, that's where we are. We've figured out the answers to the main questions. We're trying again. Once more. We'll be heading back to India in 2012. Hopefully, 2012 will find us completing our family with another baby or two, but if it doesn't, we'll feel like we gave it all we could realistically give. We don't think we'll look back with any regret.

We're in the midst of this Christmas season feeling very grateful for all of the many wonderful blessings we already have, and we're walking into 2012 cautiously optimistic. (If only it didn't have to include all those needles and blood draws and hospitals!)

Please know that we're grateful to all of you who have shared this journey with us. We hope you're having a wonderful holiday season. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Hiccups in Parenting

2011-11-17T11:40:00.002-05:00

As far as non-essentials go, Shawn and I have subscribed to logical consequences method of parenting. (To clarify: if it's 40 degrees out and Bella says she'd rather be cold than wear a coat, I let her choose to be cold. If it's 14 degrees, I make her wear the coat, giving her the choice to put it on herself or for me to wrestle her into it).

Usually, this works well. She doesn't want breakfast? Fine, but there's no food 'til lunch. You want to throw a toy? No problem. They toy becomes Mommy's until further notice. You get the idea.

And even at 2, Bella is starting to understand the concept of actions and consequences. You can ask her why we took a toy away, she's hungry, etc. and she'll tell you she chose poorly.

But then there are the times the theory breaks down. Such as when Bella makes and mess and I made her clean it up herself. She LOVED that. So much that she started spilling milk on purpose so she could get a paper towel to wipe up...or finger painted the table top with her yogurt (in the 5 seconds my back was turned!) so she could clean the table. So now the logical consequence is that the food/drink gets taken away. Fingers crossed that she keeps disliking that!

Sometimes I have to laugh at my kid. What 2yo loves cleaning? Well, I guess mine does.

Grateful

2011-11-09T21:17:00.003-05:00

I have a lot to be grateful for, and I don't know that I have ever felt that so strongly as I have this past week.

While this may seem like an odd thing to say, I am so grateful to be a woman, with a whole sisterhood of other women around me to share in my sorrows. My sister took a day off work to drive the 5 hours it takes to get home to spend time with me (she's the funniest person I know and is my favorite person to have around when I need to be cheered up). I have had several friends and one of my cousins just sit and cry with me/write me notes and emails to let me know they were crying with me from afar. I have felt truly loved.

As usual, my parents have bent over backwards to make my life easier. I'm telling you, I have it made: I have a part-time nanny, part-time cleaning lady, and part time gardener, and I don't pay them a cent. Plus, I was sad, so I got a Christmas present a month-and-a-half early (a book I really wanted to read. It was a great distraction). And even if they didn't do any of these things for me, they are just so unconditionally loving and supportive.

Of course, there's Shawn. I married the most wonderful man in the universe, and I'm sorry that everyone else has to settle for second-best.

And then there's Bella. Like most parents, I think I have the greatest child alive. She's talking so much more and is just so funny, that life with her is full of laughs, even in the midst of sorrow. For example:

She tells herself "Good job!" in a very pleased tone of voice whenever she uses the toilet. She also stands outside the door to praise Shawn, myself, and any visitors to our house who manage to evacuate into the great white throne.
Whenever she can't find something, Bella now says "Where she be?" We have no idea where this came from, where she heard it, or why she repeats it, but we love having a 2yo pirate in the house.
The computer is called the "pee-pater."
We have entered the "pretty princess" (i.e. falling in love with Disney princesses) phase. For a while, she called Cinderella "Cinder-blah-blah."
It was also "mozzer-blah-blah" cheese and you held an "um-blah-blah" over your head when it rained.
Along with "mozzer-blah-blah" cheese, there is also "Cookie Monster Jack" (Monterrey Jack) cheese.
Bella loves the printed part on her underwear (what used to be the tag, but is now just printed on the back of clothing, which is much more comfortable). She will tell you very seriously that the writing/pictures go "behind the legs and behind the butt" when you put them on.
She's very interested in anatomy, which has led to a few embarrassing moments (to say the least!) She also tells people "Bella wear bra older" all the time. I should cringe when she says those things, probably, but I just find them hilarious.
During evening prayer time, she has stopped thanking God for the people in her life and asking for blessings for them. Instead, she says "Dear God, Thank you for my cradle, Baby Rie [her doll], Elmo, Curious George, my ball pop. Please bless them, Amen."

We are so sad that M2 miscarried. We're still weighing the pros and cons of going through another IVF cycle, because we have a lot of factors to consider. But our lives are full and we're so blessed, and I am trying to stay focused on that.

And, really, who could look at my life and not be grateful for it?

Miscarriage

2011-11-02T07:31:00.002-04:00

We got an email Monday morning that M2 had been bleeding, but it had stopped. A scan Tuesday showed an irregular sac, so the doctors ran another beta test. We go the email this morning that it is dropping. M2 is miscarrying.

We're not making any decisions about the future until our emotions are under control, but it's hard not to think about the fact that we're out of frozen embryos and $10,000 poorer than we were 3 months ago.

On the other hand, I am glancing over at my daughter as I type and know that I have so much more than so many.

I'm left with words I'm trying to cling to today: "The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." (Job 1:21)

Feeling Loved

2011-10-27T12:26:00.002-04:00

In the space of 24 hours, I had three separate people tell me that if they could imagine anyone handling twins, it would be me. I don't know that I would have picked myself as the obvious choice (I'm not the most organized person on the planet!), but I'm glad other people think so, and I'm already gearing up for it mentally.

Obviously, we don't know whether there are two, one, or any healthy babies in there yet, but we're cautiously optimistic. It's so fun to see a baby ticker on the sidebar again!

540...

2011-10-25T08:52:00.003-04:00

That’s our BETA NUMBER!!!

If all goes well, in mid-to late June, Bella will be joined by a brother or sister (or two)!

It’s almost 2 am, and we just got the call a few minutes ago, and I’m so wired that I’m not even trying to go back to sleep. I won’t be posting this until much later on in the day (I think our parents and siblings might be annoyed to find out this news on the internet!), but I have a lot of time to myself right now, so I thought I’d write while I’m not chasing a 2yo around the house.

I don’t even know how to begin to compare the two experiences, but I wanted to try to get it down…both for those of you who may be blessed enough to be trying for a second child someday, as well as for our own remembrance.

I’ve spent the majority of Bella’s two years with us trying to emotionally distance myself from wanting another baby. I think I felt so blessed not only to have a biological child after being born without a uterus, but even more blessed to have a daughter. I always wanted a girl. God had given me everything I asked for—it seemed selfish, somehow, to want more. So I told people who asked about our plans for the future that we would try again with our frozen embryos (we’d had four in storage after we had success [on the first try!!!] with Bella), but that if none of them took, we might be done, and that I’d be ok with that.

And I would have been. I have so much that other people dream about: a wonderful marriage to a loving man, a beautiful daughter, a sincere faith, an incredible extended family, a mischievous dog, a beautiful house, and access to libraries full of books. If God never gave me another child (or another thing), I have more than so many. I could easily be content.

But we do want another child. We had vowed before Bella that we would use any embryos we created, anyway, so we would have tried again even if we didn’t want more kids. So on August 10, we transferred one grade A and one grade B embryo in a woman I’ll refer to as M2 (It’s so weird to me that both my surrogates have had the same first initial, but it’s kind-of fun to refer to someone as M2). That transfer failed, so we were sad for a day, regrouped, and did another transfer October 12, with two grade-A embryos (all four of our embryos survived the thaw, which surprised and pleased us). We got the exciting news today. For those that understand and want the breakdown, our beta is 540 at 12dp3dt. (And we're so glad we knew that we only transferred 2 embryos, because otherwise we'd be worried about triplets!).

Trying again hasn’t been as nerve-wracking as it was the first time--neither has it seemed as real. Much of that is due to the fact that we didn’t have to go to India this time around. Our embryos were already there, and we were able to sign agreements by courier.

As we entered the TWW—both times—it was surreal to believe that we could really be having another child already growing in another woman’s womb (a woman we’ve never even met!), because we weren’t there to have reality infringe on our psyches. Plus, our days are filled with the joy of our toddler—the preparation and both TWW’s were much less agonizing than the last time, because our lives are already so full.

We had a few agonizing moments. Neither Shawn nor I slept much the Indian day/U.S. night of our first frozen embryo transfer, because we were so anxious that we would only have to thaw two of our four embryos for that try, praying that we would have another shot if it didn’t work. Thankfully, that was the case.

It seems incredible to me that we’ve gotten two pregnancies in three tries. I know that’s due to many things that aren’t true of most people doing surrogacy: we were 25 and 26 when we had our IVF done, the only reason we had to do surrogacy was my absent uterus (there’s nothing wrong with my ovaries or Shawn’s sperm), and we eat much healthier/exercise much more/drink MUCH less than the vast majority of Americans. But still, it’s crazy…and it kind of makes me sad in an odd way, because had I been born with a uterus instead of without one, we probably would have been one of those couples that got pregnant the second we stopped preventing it.

It’s early in this pregnancy. I know so much more now than I did three years ago about what can go wrong (even if you get a good beta number), which makes me much more nervous than I was then. But I’m thrilled that we have a positive pregnancy and every reason to hope.

For two years, I’ll be honest enough to admit that I’ve also been a little terrified at the thought of twins. I think after experiencing one infant, I had much more of an idea how difficult two would be, particularly when you add the already existing toddler to the mix. But after getting the call this morning, knowing that twins are likely with that high a beta, the only emotions I’m feeling are excitement and gratitude. By the time I turn 31, I might be a mother of 3!

I’ve spent a good while this morning looking at double/triple strollers and twin parenting books people recommend online that my library has in stock. I’m not going to start ordering any of these things until at least the second trimester, when it feels a little safer, but we’ll be researching away in the meantime!

For those of you who are still struggling to get your first positive, my heart goes out to you. I know this may not have been the easiest post to read. Know that my prayers are with you…and that I hope that a post like this can one day be your story, too.

And as for us, we’re praying for a BORING nine months until June, when we plan to go to India to meet baby number 2 (and 3?!).

P.S. For those of you who know me in real life and are friends with me on FABCEBOOK, this is NOT news I’m ready to share with the entire social media community. Please do NOT post anything on my FB wall (or yours) until I’ve announced it there…which won’t be until we’ve made it to the second trimester after CHRISTMAS. Obviously, many less people read my blog than have friend-ed me on FB. Thanks for understanding. I’ll be updating here.

Potty Training

2011-09-30T08:34:00.003-04:00

We're in the thick of potty training here. And as much as I was dreading it, it's going well.

***WARNING of the obvious variety: I'm writing about potty training. I won't go into disgusting detail, but I am writing about toileting. If you don't want to think about it, skip this post***

We decided to do what my aunt calls the 3-day 80-dollar plan. This includes committing to staying home for 3 days; having your child go completely naked during all her waking hours; and having the potty in whichever room you're in, so that if an accident begins, you can rush her to the potty chair. (The $80 part is what you supposedly pay for carpet cleaning. Our downstairs is not carpeted, and we're keeping Bella down there, so we're able to clean it much more easily and cheaply).

Lots of people have asked me "Why the nudity?" Several people--including our pediatrician--had told me that being naked is the best way for a child to connect with her body's elimination signals. I don't know why this is any different than walking around with just a pair of underwear on, but apparently, it is. And we're getting good results thus far, so I trust the advice I got.

Several people (including Shawn and the pediatrician's office) had been encouraging me to really start potty training months ago, because over that time, Bella has successfully urinated on the potty on several occasions. I dragged my feet, though, because I just wasn't convinced she was ready, (most of those occasions seemed to be lucky timing and proximity to the toilet to me) and, I'll admit, I wasn't all that thrilled to do it, either.

Last week, however, she woke up from nearly every nap and overnight dry, and instead of telling me when she was finished eliminating and wanted a diaper change, she would come up to me as she went and to say "Going pee" or "Going poop, diaper change." So I knew she was ready and decided to commit to it this week, no matter how annoying it was.

I promised myself that if we were going to do this, we were only doing it once. We started Wednesday, and I vowed that I would not put Bella in a diaper during her waking hours again--even if it meant an accident or two in places I rather they hadn't happened (i.e. church or the grocery store). Experts generally say this is the way to go, too, because switching back and forth doesn't encourage your child you're serious about wanting her to use the toilet.

I've been surprised by how well it's gone. On day 1, we had 2 accidents and 1 half-accident. (The half accident was when she started to pee, stopped mid-stream, and ran to the potty to finish). I thought that was an encouraging sign and went into the next day optimistic. Day 2 (yesterday) we started with another half-accident, then twice--without prompting--Bella told me "pee potty" and we rushed her over to go on the toilet. This morning, Day 3, she hasn't even told me--she just walked over to the potty, used it, and announced that she had peed the first time, and pooped the second. I know that to all non-parents this would sound ridiculous, but can I tell you the bliss I felt this morning when I thought that very soon, I will never have to change Bella's poopy diaper again?

Needless to say, I'm thrilled. We've thrown a party, given her chocolate (a lot of the things I've read said not to give food rewards, but I've ignored that piece of advice, because chocolate is a big motivator for Bella). My favorite part of the whole thing is how each time she goes, Bella says "Good job!" is the same excited tone and pitch I've used to compliment her.

For what I hope are obvious reasons, I'm not posting any pictures that coincide with this post. I mainly wrote it help those of you who might be going through this soon and might be looking for recommendations of methods that have worked for others.

I'm off to go drink a cup of imaginary tea with Bella...without worrying about changing a diaper. What luxury!

The Best Stage

2011-09-03T07:55:00.007-04:00

Exploring the yard

At the park

At swim lessons

I know many people talk in hushed tones about the "terrible" twos and what a whiny, tantrum-throwing, awful stage it is, but I wonder whether I just have the best kid alive (very possible), have more patience than many parents (highly unlikely), or have just stumbled on the right disciplinary tactics for my child (probably part of it). Because I think this stage is the best yet.

Bella is just SO CUTE, and so much fun. For example:

She has discovered the loop in our house and now runs from kitchen to living room to hall to kitchen shouting "Bella run FAST" multiple times a day.
She "cooks" at her play kitchen.
She takes Baby L___ (the doll my sister gave her that she promptly named after my sister, just sticking a "baby" in front), Elmo, and Curious George for walks in her stroller.
She helps me cook, wash dishes, sweep the floor, and take out the trash.
She "swims" in the bath tub each night.
She picks flowers (i.e. weeds like dandelions) from our yard and asks me to put them in a vase.
She asks for "big hug" and "lotsa kisses."
She asks for her books by their titles: "Read Mah-line" (Madeline), "Read Key George" (Curious George), "Read Pigsty" (Princess Pigsty by Cornelia Funke), "Read Kitty Book" (For Love of Autumn by Patricia Polaco), etc., etc., etc. all day long. She can sit and be read to for an hour at a time. I enjoy this unless she wants me to read the same book fifty times in a row.
She blurts out "Mommy brown eyes, Bella brown eyes, Zaira-puppy brown eyes, Daddy blue eyes" multiple times a day.
She will tell us when it's nap time or bath/bed time, because she knows when she's tired.

There are, of course, many times when Bella needs correction. The funniest recent example was when my aunt and uncle dropped by the other day. We don't get to see them very often (I should probably get my butt in the car, huh Aunt B and Uncle T?), so Bella doesn't know them very well.

I'm not the type of parent who asks my kid to instantly warm up to people she hasn't seen in a while and shower them with hugs and kisses just because I love them, but I do want her to say "hi"--or at least wave a shy hand--when someone walks through our door. It just seems like common courtesy to me. So when Aunt B and Uncle T came in, I told Bella to greet them.

She refused.

Shawn and I told Bella we were all going to stand in the doorway until she did. After five minutes, we decided that just because Bella was being rude didn't mean we had to be, so we left her on the foyer stairs for a time-out and invited our guests inside to sit down. We brought her into the living room every two minutes or so, giving her the opportunity to obey, but she refused to say "hi" to them, so we put her back on the stairs. This continued for 20 minutes (and, no, I am not exaggerating, I clocked it) before she finally realized we weren't kidding and said "hi" into my legs. And then, within seconds, was sitting with Aunt B asking her to read Madeline.

It was hysterical in one sense. In another, we couldn't believe how stubborn she was!

My Aunt B was a first grade teacher for her whole career and gave me a look when Bella asked her to read Madeline.

"I know," I said, "she's too young for these books. I got one out of the library for the first time because I was so bored with the age-appropriate ones. But she loves it."

So my aunt B started reading, "In an old house in Paris, all covered with--"

"--vines," Bella supplied immediately.

"Lived twelve little girls in two straight--"

"--lines."

We all looked at my ridiculously bright child in amazement. I tested her out later, doing what my aunt B had done. She has the whole flipping thing memorized. I don't know if she understands it--I can't imagine she knows what an appendix is--but she knows Dr Cohn calls and tells the nurse "It's an appendix." And it's super-cute to hear her say it in her 2yo voice.

My mom always tells me that she thought each stage was the best one the whole time my sister and I were growing up. I have a feeling that now we're past the pre-talking stage (sorry, but it wasn't my favorite), I'm going to feel the same way.

HAPPY CANADA DAY!!!!

2011-08-17T06:43:00.006-04:00

I know the calendar says Canada Day was a month-and-a-half ago, but we're celebrating today here at our house, because:Kerrie and Mark had their baby!

CONGRATULATIONS, Kerrie and Mark!

As most of you know, this has been such a crazy (and LONG) journey for them. Since we started this ride at the same time and they were in Mumbai after Bella's birth (and got to hold her before even my mom did...and bought her this shirt!), we've been rooting for them all these years. We're so thrilled that their little girl is here, safe and healthy, and can't wait to learn her name and see a picture of her in their arms.

Odd Excitment

2011-07-20T07:35:00.002-04:00

Last night, Bella asked to be put on the potty. (She has done this multiple times a day for the last few months). Then, she WENT PEE. (That was a first).

I realized how narrowly focused my life has become that I got so excited about urination...and that I wouldn't have it any other way :)

TWO?!?!?!?

2011-07-17T19:58:00.002-04:00

It's been a fun, busy day, but I had to take a minute to say:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BELLS!

Can't Believe you're already 2. These have been the best 2 years and we look forward to many more with you!

Love.

Momma and Daddy

The Road Taken

2011-05-26T13:07:00.002-04:00

I had one of those moments on Tuesday. One of those moments where I thought back on past choices and was so glad we'd made the ones we did, because it brought us here.

Tuesday morning, we had a playdate with some friends from church. Counting Bella, there were 8 kids (all between 18 months and 4.5 years), 5 adults, and 1 dog. It was a crazy morning, but lots of fun.

When everyone left, I got Bella and myself some lunch. I wasn't really in a social mood (having just entertained), so I picked up my book and figured I try to read a little while Bella ate. Most of the time, she'd never go for something like that and would be demanding my attention, but Tuesday, she happily ate and played with her food, talking to herself occasionally, but mostly quiet.

After about 10 minutes, I looked up and smiled at her. She's a lot like me, I thought. She needs some mental time to unwind after interacting with all those people, too.

That was my moment, sitting there smiling at my girl, thinking about one of the ways in which we're alike.

We looked into adoption before deciding on surrogacy. It became clear early on in our infertility journey that our hearts weren't in the right place to adopt, and I'm so glad we didn't. Because every day, I get to look into my daughter's face and see what genes she got from me. I'm glad I share my need for introverted moments with her--along with a love for books, Italian bloodlines, my eyes, and many, many other things. Looking back, I'm always going to be so glad we made the choices we did. They brought us Bella.

I'm sure if we'd made other ones, I'd feel the same way about those hypothetical children, of course...but there's never one little bit of me that wonders about those children.

After all, who would want anything other than what I've got?

Busy, Busy, Busy

2011-05-13T14:18:00.002-04:00

I have been busy.

There have been a few family members with injuries and surgery lately, so in between the daily stuff, I've been making lots of trips to hospitals and rehab centers. Thankfully, everyone is recovering, but there's not a lot of blogging energy leftover, especially because my computer time has been reserved for working on the novel I've been writing this year. In between writing, parenting, and all the other stuff, I feel like I'm running short on time lately.

That said, your Bella fix.

I don't know why this period of a child's life (18-36 months) is called the "terrible" twos. I don't think there's much terrible about it. I LOVE having a toddler. I think having a walking, talking kid is so much better than having a baby. It just keeps getting better and better.

Bella is at the point where she is learning 2 to 3 new words a day. Her language is literally exploding. She's like a thirsty sponge and absorbs everything. Many of the things she's learned have been through puzzles and games--I rarely try to teach her anything in particular, and she's picking up a lot more this way than I would have imagined. She can count to 5 without help, to 10 with a little bit of prodding, and recognizes most digits. She can spell her name and knows about 3/4 of the capital letters--and has started pointing out letters to me everywhere we go. We've just started talking about colors. Isn't my kid smart?

Some of things she says are down-right hilarious. I asked her the other day "Do you want Momma to do it?" and she now chants "Do it! Do it! Do it!' whenever she wants me to do something. I walked into our house the other day to find my breadmaker had fallen off the counter and the top had broken off. Since it's a much-loved (and somewhat expensive) piece of machinery, I was a bit upset and said "O, crap!" really loudly. Whenever Bella drops something now, she yells "O crap!" in the exact same tone of voice. I should probably be embarrassed that she picked that up, but I think it's too funny to get worked up about it (and I'm grateful that I don't have a propensity for profanity, because she could be saying a lot worse if I did!).

While I'm not in a rush for potty training, we have put Bella on her potty chair when she wakes up from naps/overnight dry. She has successfully used the potty 3 times now, and really likes the chocolate she gets afterward, but not enough to tell me she wants to use the toilet, just enough to happily accept it when we hit on the right timing.

I think my favorite things she does are all the language quirks that are hers alone. She now calls pasta "ta-ta", flowers "fl-oww", and her blanket "nee". I also love her obsession with naming everything--she'll see our reflections somewhere and say "Momma, Bel-lah" or a picture of family members and have to name everyone in the picture. It's great.

So there is my ramble about how Bella is doing. She's perfect. We're great, just busy. I do a quick read of everyone else's posts each morning before diving into the day, and we're counting down the hours of Kerrie and Mark's pregnancies, cooing over all the other babies' accomplishments and pictures, and catching up on all your news. Keep it coming!

Fashion-ista in the Making?

2011-03-30T08:48:00.002-04:00

This is what happens when I have a bad head cold, it's 8 AM and I already want to go back to bed, I've decided to limit my battles to the things that REALLY matter today, and the 20-month-old wants to pick out her own outfit and do her own hair:

I assume fashion sense is learned as you grow?

Toddler Tales

2011-03-13T21:01:00.002-04:00

I have to say, Bella is getting cuter every day.

We've hit the stage that she's learning a new word almost daily, and it's getting easier and easier for her to communicate with us. (Today's word was "avocado". I won't even attempt to duplicate her pronunciation).

Many of her words are foods. Some kids learn colors. My girl is all about the edibles. She knows tomato, potato, onion, pepper, pasta, cereal, cheese, peas, banana, milk, and cookie and asks for each by name. She rarely gets the last one from that list, but not for lack of trying.

For all that she loves food, she's a skinny mini. The doctor's office started quizzing me on how much she eats because she hasn't gained much weight in the past few months. When I told them how she often asks for third helpings and mentioned that my six-foot husband often weighs less than I do, they agreed that she's probably going to be one of the lucky few girls who's naturally thin. (Just what I need when she hits the teen years, right? A thin, gorgeous child. I'm going to have to lock her up).

In true toddler fashion, Bella is also getting very demanding. She insists I'm "all done!" if I'm sitting and she thinks I should be playing. She wants music on the moment we get in the car. She tells Zaira to "sit", "down" and "stay" with a tone of authority (Zaira roundly ignores her). There are some rather imperious directions to do "more" of something she likes or is interested in.

Unlike both Shawn and I, who like people but also want to unwind at home at the end of the day, Bella seems to be unendingly social. She's constantly walking up to strangers and saying "hi!" when we're out places. She told a woman in Target a few weeks ago that her coffee was "hot!" That got the woman laughing, thankfully.

Tantrums are still a part of our lives, but they seem to be waning a bit. Bella didn't want to leave the library a few days ago, and tried to insist on staying by falling limply to the floor and shrieking. I gently wrestled her into her coat and picked her up. By the time we reached the door, her shrieks had died out. As her shrieks lost volume, I could almost see her mind working as she realized that even public fits don't get her what she wants. It was a happy parenting moment.

Our favorite new development, however? The fact that Bella now says "a-choo," which is not a sneezing noise...it's her version of "I love you."

So Incredibly Blessed

2011-02-22T11:15:00.006-05:00

Yesterday was a rough day here in our household. Bella has had a cold for almost a week now. In the midst of this virus, we traveled to see family this weekend, and while it was wonderful to see them, being off her schedule and sleeping in weird places (i.e. the car and someone else's home) did not agree with Bella very much. She is a creature of habit--a lot like her parents--and doesn't like to be off her schedule on a good day.

She did pretty well while we were down in PA, but yesterday was long. Lots of whining, lots of tantrums, and (needless to say) a mother with her patience running out. I put her down for her nap a little early and had the thought "I just need an hour or so without hearing someone whine 'Momma!' every 30 seconds."

No sooner did the thought occur to me than I stopped short, thinking how blessed I was. I mean, I was tired(?!?!?) of hearing someone call me "Momma"? What a wonderful, wonderful problem to have. A few years ago, I could never have imagined having such a problem.

I admit, parenting is hard work. It is--without a doubt--the hardest thing I've ever done. I knew it would be, but there's no way to really prepare for it. As hard as it is, though, it just as rewarding.

And I am blessed to have my days be so normal for the parent of a toddler that I easily forget how much effort it took to get here.

(And because I know you'd all strangle me if I didn't have these):

One-and -a-Half

2011-01-17T05:49:00.004-05:00

My little girl turns 18 months today!

Several people in my day-to-day life (my parents the main vocal contingent) have mentioned to me lately that I haven't updated this blog very regularly. It's true, and if you've missed us, I'm sorry. What I was telling my parents yesterday, however, is that I find it difficult to find interesting things to blog about right now. Bella's amazing. I love her. I love being her mother. But while her parents and grandparents find her developmental strides miraculous, I don't imagine everyone else does, so I don't write about each and every thing.

That said, I'll check in occasionally...when I have some cute/funny/possibly interesting things saved up. And when we hit milestones. In the meantime, I'm lurking around all your blogs, too, and commenting on the big events. We're here...just less visible.

And now for your Bella update:

While she hasn't made a huge jump in vocabulary acquisition lately, Bella has started to link her vocabulary. She's using two-word sentences, and has started to answer questions. I.e., when I asked her if she was done eating, she said "No, help" when she was having trouble getting the last spoonful of yogurt from the container. It's a huge improvement over frustrated whining and exciting to be able to communicate meaningfully with her.
Bella has learned to say "please"! It's so cute...and I love that she's figuring out that asking nicely has a much better chance of getting her what she wants.
We're just starting to see the beginning of signs that might mean she's getting close to being ready to be potty trained. She loves to flush the toilet (I have to keep the door closed so she doesn't do so all day long) and I've started to teach her some bathroom words. She will now point at a dirty diaper and say "poop!" (She will only do this when it's off, however, as she HATES getting her diaper changed).
She's interested in everything. She loves to copy us, whether brushing our teeth, brushing hair, sirring food, etc.
She's started to pretend--her great uncle bought her a play kitchen for Christmas and she makes me multiple meals/cups of coffee each day.
The phone is one of her favorite toys. She has started to try to talk--at least saying "hi" and "bye", but occasionally answering a questions appropriately.
I have learned that parents of toddlers really do learn to interpret their child's first attempts at language. Because while you might not know that "Go-gan" means open, "ba" means help, "bre" means bread, "sta" means pasta, and "na" means banana, I do.

Isn't my daughter just adorable? And, just in case the stories weren't enough to convince you, check these out:

Cute New Stuff

2010-11-12T12:08:00.003-05:00

Some cute things Bella is doing:

Emptying out the bookcase nearly every day as she brings me all of her books to read. Sometimes she only wants to look at one page or a picture, but I'm thrilled she finds books and reading fun.
She gave her first unasked for "please" today! This word would be intelligible to no one but Shawn or I (it sounds a LOT more like "she" than "please"), but I was so excited. Granted, I had made her say "please" about five times just previous to the the unsolicited one, but it's solid progress!
Copying Mommy. Anything I do, she wants to do. Whether it's brushing her hair, brushing her teeth, using the phone, etc. It's SO adorable.
Trying to buckle herself into her booster seat, car seat, and stroller. She doesn't quite have the needed fine motor skills for it, but she has the idea and she's working on it.
Trying to sing along to songs. Oftentimes, the tune is right for a few measures. Words, very rarely :)
Saying "Zah! Zah!" (her version of our dog's name, Zaira), every time she sees her. She even called for Zaira from her crib a few days ago after waking up from naptime.
Getting adventurous on shopping trips, which includes pulling items of displays. I generally let her, but make sure to "help" her (i.e. do 99% of the work) clean everything up before we leave the aisle.
Hugging us...which might be the best and cutest thing ever.

And a random picture of our princess, making faces:

Discipline and Self-Discipline

2010-11-02T14:37:00.003-04:00

Parenting is hard work.

Bella has been throwing temper tantrums in the past few months. She has made it very clear to us that while she thinks it is acceptable for her to tell us no when she doesn't want something, she finds it completely unacceptable for us to tell her no. For a few weeks, every time we did, she shrieked. Loudly. So loudly I was worried the neighbors might report us for child abuse. (Which would have been an interesting conversation, actually. Officer: "Why was your child screaming bloody murder if you didn't hurt her in any way?" Us: "We told her she couldn't touch the hot stove. She found that intolerable.")

I'm quickly figuring out why so many people raise bratty kids. It would be so much easier (and quieter!) to give in and let Bella have what she wants. At least in the short term. What I keep reminding myself of, however, is that she needs to learn that the world doesn't work that way. You can't scream and get what you want. (I tried. I remained infertile and had to hire a surrogate.)

I'm also realizing that all this disciplining (i.e. listening to tantrums and not giving into them--and refusing to distract Bella so that they'll end more expediently) is helping me develop more self-discipline. I feel like being a parent is finally making me feel like an adult...most of the time. Seeing as I'm closing in on 30, I should really believe I'm a grown up now!

The most surprising part of this stage in Bella's life has been my own mother. I remember enough of my own childhood to recall that she was a strict parent. She expected us to obey the first time she asked us to do something. Generally, we did; when we didn't, there were consequences. Not anymore, however. Gege cannot handle Bella crying at all. She instantly wants to distract her from tears to playing with something else. And don't even get me started on my dad or my own grandma. All three of them spoil her rotten. An older friend of mine laughed with me about this grandparent phenomenon and said that God knew what he was doing when he gave children to the young and not the old!

Despite the tantrums and the disciplining, Bella remains the most perfect and amazing being on the planet. She's saying upwards of 30 words, some of which are only intelligible to us, but we're enjoying her growing communication. She's walking and climbing and trying to figure out running. She's displaying clear preferences, some of which we indulge. (She got to pick out her own pajamas at the store, even though I didn't love the ones she chose. When she made it clear she wanted red, sparkly sneakers [think a tacky rip off of Dorothy's ruby slippers from the Wizard of Oz and you'll get the idea], I said no and we bought white ones). She now breaks into huge grins when she sees us. Tantrums and all, I just love my life.

It's hard to believe this little angelic child would ever be naughty, isn't it?

Possibly the Best Feeling Ever

2010-09-21T19:18:00.002-04:00

Shawn usually puts Bella to bed. I give her a bath, we read a story together, and I leave so he can give her a drink (in a sippy cup, we're entirely off bottles now!) and get her in her crib.

Tonight, after I left, I called my mom to tell her a story from Bella's day (as a grandmother, she loved it, but I won't bore all of you with it!). A few minutes into my conversation, Shawn called me. Apparently, Bella was sitting up in his lap and pointing at her door. She had heard me talking...and wanted me.

Bella is a Daddy's Girl. She always wants Shawn when he's home. Since I have her to myself all day, I never mind, but it's nice to be wanted and loved. So when I walked up the stairs and she held out her arms, snuggled into my chest, and we cuddled together on her rocking chair, it was possibly the best feeling I've ever had. The only one that might top it was walking down the aisle on my wedding day, knowing I would get to spend the rest of my life with Shawn.

I love being a mommy. I have the best little girl in the world. And while I would have loved to have carried her myself, sometimes I'm glad I couldn't. I think I love her more because it took so much effort, thought, prayers, and faith to have her.

Problem Solving

2010-09-16T18:24:00.002-04:00

I know that the baby books tell you when the "normal" range is for your baby to accomplish things. I stopped reading them when Bella was about six months old. There were two reasons for this:

1. Bella was solidly ahead of schedule in every category, every time I looked at those charts.

2. Whether or not this means I have a genius on my hands (and I doubt it, although I have a hunch she's not going to be a slow learner either), I didn't want to keep comparing my little girl to other kids. She is who she is and she'll do things when she does them. Case and point: walking. She still isn't all that interested. She will toddle 10-15 steps at a time, but crawling gets her from point A to point B quicker, so she crawls. I figure she won't go to kindergarten still crawling and that she'll walk when she decides it is the better option.

So I don't know when the baby books say your child should conquer stairs. Somehow, I doubt it's a day shy of 14 months, however.

Bella has been crawling up the stairs for at least a month, maybe two or more (we forgot to record that accomplishment). The past few days, if we set her on the top step, she could figure out how to scoot down them, legs first.

Well, tonight, after her bath, she scrambled (naked and thrilled to be so) out of the bathroom and to the top of our stairs. The gate was open. I was following half-a-step behind, and I knew I could catch her if she started to fall, so I watched to see what she would do. It took her a minute, but she figured out how to get her back leg on the first step and then she just shimmied on down. At the landing, it took her a minute, because she tried to back up when she couldn't see, but she just repositioned herself closer and tried again. Then she got really mad when Shawn scooped her up and brought her back to her room for PJ's and bedtime.

So what do you think? Do I have a little genius? My parents sure think so. And I have to admit that I'm beginning to think she's pretty smart myself.

Growing in Front of Me

2010-09-12T15:56:00.002-04:00

Bella had one of those days on Friday where I could swear she grew about a month in a day. After being very reluctant to try walking, she took her first voluntary steps (no one coercing her to do so)...and then, by the end of the day, was taking fifteen at a time.

She also said "down" and "all done" and learned the ASL sign for "eat", and was clearly signing "milk." "water," or "eat" and knew what she was asking for. She also is starting to say "up" instead of whining.

I have no desire to slow down time--I'm having so much fun watching each development as it comes, but that was sure a lot for one day!

...and Jo Jo and Lisa, please feel free to drop by for dinner anytime! My best dish is my eggplant parmigiana, so I'd hold out for that if I were you!

Mini Milestone

2010-09-10T07:52:00.002-04:00

Last night, Bella ate the same meal I served my husband: chicken with shallots and rosemary and sweet potato fries. Until the past few days, I had been wondering if Bella would choose to be a vegetarian like her mom, because she had basically refused any meat we offered her. I wasn't all that worried about it on the dietary end--I'd figured out the protein for myself and had already done so for her. I was worried, however, about the social implications (it's a pain in the butt to have to tell anyone who invites you over that you're difficult to feed). Thankfully, I think she finally is getting interested both in watching me prepare food and in eating the same things as Mommy and Daddy. I can see an end in sight for having to make sure there's berries or bananas available for every meal!

The only downside? I now have to curb my chocolate eating in front of her unless I want to share!

Cracking Herself Up

2010-08-30T21:17:00.002-04:00

Thanks to several hours worth of work on Shawn's part last night, I am able to share Bella's adorableness (and my not-very-brilliant commentary) with the world. Enjoy!

Anniversaries

2010-08-30T13:37:00.003-04:00

My husband and I just celebrated our fifth anniversary. We dropped off our daughter and our dog with my in-laws (it's so wonderful that both sets of our parents love our daughter so much!) and spent a few wonderful days touring Guatemala.

We had booked the vacation through an internet site and gotten an exceptional deal, so we weren't really expecting all that much in the way of amenities. We were pleasantly surprised when they put us up in wonderful hotels and that the tours were done very professionally. We got to see indigenous Mayans working on a back-strap loom, the ancient ruins of Tikal, and the beautiful architecture of Antigua. It was a great getaway--and the perfect length, because we got home just as I was really starting to miss Bella and Zaira (and my bed!).

We came home to the news that after two days of torrential rains, our dehumidifier short-circuited and the sump pump malfunctioned, resulting in two inches of standing water in the basement. My parents (God bless them for all they do for us!) called the plumber, Shop-Vac-ed the water out, and cleaned out a good bit of all the ruined books, boxes, and electronics. We came home to much less of a mess than we would have if they hadn't come over to check it out. I worked on more of the clearing-out process today. It's slow going as the resultant mildew is making it hard for me to breathe while I work. However, on the up side, it forced us to clear out a lot of junk, which is always a good thing.

In the middle of the basement fiasco, I also had my ten-year high school reunion. Several friends came to stay at the house, and we had a great time. One of my friend's wife is pregnant, and I admit that I had no patience for her complaints about her pregnancy, but I behaved and thanked God that it was just annoying as opposed to how painful it would have been two years ago. Before Bella was born, I wouldn't have been able to handle being around her for three days--complaining or not. I am so grateful for my little girl!

Other than the occasionally grumpy pregnant woman, I had a great time with my friends. They were wonderful house guests and didn't make much extra work for me (the refused to let me cook and got take-out for all their meals). We thought it was crazy that even though it's been ten years, none of the rest of our classmates we saw had changed much. We went to a pool hall to play pool, my husband joined the boys for golf, and we laughed all weekend long.

Bella is napping and I really should do some work, but I'm just too tired. So I'm going to leave you with this picture of my sleeping girl and grab a book to read.

Doctor's Office, SSS, and Other Accomplishments

2010-08-19T21:31:00.004-04:00

Bella took her first visit to the gynecologist's office yesterday.

Not because she has any female problems, but because I had an appointment and I wanted my doctor (who mentioned surrogacy to me moments after telling me that I didn't have a uterus) and his staff, who were wonderful to me while I was starting to cycle a year-and-a-half ago, to meet her.

She was the belle of the morning. She smiled, clung to me, and was her cute self, meeting everyone happily so long as they didn't try to touch her. We found out that several people in the office read the blog all the time (Hi, Tina, Becky, Dr. B, and anyone else I missed!). I had barely introduced Bella when the women at reception said "Oh, we follow all the blogs. We know Kerrie and Mark had a transfer today and we are just so anxious for it to work!" It literally made me choke up to know that all of the wonderful people (Stateside) who helped my dreams come true were anxious that others' have their babies as well. After we traded hopes for all the others out there and Bella met everyone, my mom took her out to the waiting room and I got on with the lovely task of having my yearly exam (blech!).

In other news, Bella loves books, particularly those with animals in them, and has a new favorite sound. Whenever we ask her, "Bella, what does the snake say?" she grins and goes "sss!" She will also say the same thing whenever you ask about other animals, but if she looks at a picture of a dog she'll say "woof" or "baa" for a sheep. She likes "sss" best, though.

Bella's most nerve-wracking accomplishment is that she has learned to crawl up the stairs...and then want to go back down them, head first. Gates have become our best friend.

She's also down to one nap per day and is slowly transitioning from formula to whole milk. My baby is quickly growing up. And each stage is simply wonderful.

Happy Birthday, Bella!

2010-07-17T07:32:00.009-04:00

Little girl,

We can't believe that it's already been a year since you were born. 12 months ago at this time, we were cursing the airlines for being stuck in Detroit and calling everyone in the world to announce that we had an Isabella Juliet. It's been the craziest year of our lives. You have learned so much, been so many places, and have brought so much joy to our lives.

You're doing so many cute things right now. Things like saying "no, no, no!" as you do something (splashing Zaira's water out of her bowl) that you know you shouldn't do. You're waving and saying "bye" to people...sometimes when they aren't leaving! You have started throwing tantrums when we don't let you have what you want (i.e. this laptop); and we laugh when you lay on the floor and look at us as you scream, wondering if this time we'll give in (we won't). You shriek when you're happy, and you seem happiest when you get to see a dog--whether it's Zaira (who you see 5,000 times a day)--or someone else's pet. You LOVE to read (score!), and will sit with Mommy for half an hour looking at books. Mommy has been calling you "gorilla girl" because you're pushing yourself into a crouch like you're thinking about standing, but you chicken out every time. We know walking is just around the corner.

This has been the best year of our lives, Isa-Bee, so for your birthday, we wanted to remember how cute you've been each month.

Love you, Little One. We are anxious to experience many more wonderful years like this one with you!

Love,

Mommy and Daddy

So, here we go...you're first year in review:

Your birth day:
One month old:
Two months old:
Three months old:

Four months old:

Five months old:

Six months old (and my favorite picture ever):

Seven months old:

Eight months old:

Nine months old:

Ten months old:
Eleven months old (you loved swimming lessons):

And this morning--ONE YEAR OLD!:

Exciting Firsts

2010-06-03T12:19:00.003-04:00

We've had two exciting firsts in our house in the past week.

This past weekend, Bella spoke her first word: "Hi!"

So far, she will not say it on command and will only perform for certain people (and of course her maternal grandparents, who are most anxious to hear it, aren't among them!) When she does say it, she usually says it in an appropriate context and it's my proof that sentences really are on the way...I just can't wait to hear "I love you, Mommy!"

The other happy event was nap time this morning. I put her in her crib with her blanket (she has started to adopt it as a security item) and she didn't cry when I left the room--just talked to herself for a few minutes before drifting off to sleep! For the past few weeks, she has generally only let out a protest cry as I have left the room, and it's over within a minute or two, sometimes only a few seconds. Not hearing it at all was wonderful!

My baby is already a toddler. It's hard to believe that at this time last year I was dying to know whether she was a girl and hoping she'd stay in utero several weeks longer!

Sick

2010-05-26T15:19:00.003-04:00

Bella's had a rough couple of weeks. She has had a chronic ear infection that won't stay away, a trip to the emergency room, and now a virus.

To put everyone's mind at ease, the trip to the emergency room turned out to be largely unnecessary (thank God!). Bella took a head dive off of her changing table and fell onto the rug. I was literally right there, arm outstretched (but not quite high enough), and had only looked away from her for one second to grab a diaper. I felt like the Worst Mother of All Time. At first I thought she was fine, and called the doctor's office. They agreed with my assessment, but told me to bring her in, just in case. Twenty minutes later, she threw up a little bit (which can be a sign of a concussion) so I was told to take her to the ER. After 6 hours of monitoring in the ER and a head X-ray, we were told she was fine and that we could go home.

I had had worries of doctors suspecting my of being an abusive parent as I went into the hospital with my child, but was pleased to find out that each doctor I saw (this included two residents, two attendings, and then two pediatricians in my own doctor's practice the few days following) told me stories of how their children had fallen and broken bones while their medically-licensed parents watched in horror.

Starting before the ER experience (and hopefully ending today), we have tried 4 different antibiotics to rid Bella's ear of infected fluid. Her pediatrician has already mentioned the possibility of her needing tubes if this continues (which I need to begin researching as I know nothing of the pros and cons). She finished the 4th type of antibiotic this morning. I'm hoping it's the last one we have to use.

However, we still got to the doctor's office this morning, because Bella was running a fever of 101.7 and I wanted to make sure she didn't have another ear infection in spite of her antibiotic. Thankfully, no ear infection, but the doctor agreed with me that my poor girl has had her fair share of illness lately. (And it's warm here--88 degrees--I wouldn't like to have a fever when it's so hot out!).

Needless to say, we have been only getting sporadic sleep around here. I feel like a zombie today, but I'm more concerned that my little girl gets well for her sake than my own (although I do selfishly miss sleeping all night!) Even at my most tired, however, I think about how lucky I am to have a daughter to get up to comfort.

I am so excited about how many of you out there are close to delivery and getting positives. Just think--this time next year, you'll have your own sleepless nights!

Mother's Day

2010-05-09T13:03:00.002-04:00

Thirteen years ago, I sat in a doctor’s office and was told that I had been born without a uterus.

Despite my diagnosis, I never once doubted the fact that I would become a mom. At fifteen, I never envisioned flying 8,000 miles, having surgery, and entrusting my unborn child to an Indian woman I had only met once.

Surrogacy was not the first way I would have chosen to become a mom. It wasn’t easy, and it certainly wasn’t cheap. But everyday as I watch my daughter grow, I am so grateful that surrogacy exists, was a financially viable option for us, that there were agencies willing to help us, and for M...who gave us the greatest gift of our lives.

I know from experience that Mother’s Day is a hard day for the people still waiting for their babies. I am praying for those of you out there that I know are grieving (and possibly jealous, bitter, and angry). Keep the faith. I pray that next year, you’ll be enjoying Mother’s Day and looking back on your surrogacy journey with the same awe and wonder that we do.

To my little girl: Bella, thank you for all the joy you’ve brought us. You and Daddy are everything I hoped and prayed.

To my God: thank You for blessing me with such an incredible life. You’ve given me more than I could ever hope to deserve.

Anniversary

2010-04-16T18:55:00.003-04:00

So, Bells, this is an important day in Mom and Dad's history. It was on this day, six years ago, that we started dating. Indirectly, this day is very important to you, too. If it hadn't happened, there wouldn't be you.

Someday, I'll tell you the long version of this story (and Dad can tell you his--but I like my way of telling it better). For now, what we'll share with the world is that Daddy and I were best friends. I had known for a year that I was in love with him and wanted to spend my life with him. It took him a little longer to figure it out, but it all came together in the end.

I prayed long and hard for a husband like your daddy--then (once I knew Daddy) prayed long and hard for God to clue him in or help me get over him. I'll be forever grateful that God clued him in and we have each other.

Love you, sweetheart,

Mom

P.S. Happy Birthday Aunt Christy!

My Favorite Word

2010-03-24T14:05:00.002-04:00

So, for the past three days, Bella has been saying "Momma." Despite what her doting grandparents think, I don't believe that she connects those sounds with me, but regardless, it's the best feeling in the world to have a little girl of my own, saying "Momma."

Ask and You Shall Receive:

2010-03-18T14:59:00.004-04:00

Developing an early love for literature?

My Little Lizard Baby

Crawling!

Bella Report

2010-03-11T13:26:00.004-05:00

So yesterday was a near perfect day with Bella. She napped well, and was therefore at her happiest and cutest (she's always cute, but she's much more fun when she's well-rested!) She and I went to Target, where she charmed everyone in the store, went for a walk without coats (it was an amazing 56 degrees yesterday afternoon--praise the Lord for spring!), and even ate dinner without making a huge mess.

Then it was time to get ready for bed.

Bella LOVES her bath. She splashes, chews on her blowfish (all other bath toys are ignored, she just loves her blowfish that much), and grins up at me. Usually, we can transition out of the bath easily enough--there's a little crying, because she's knows there's a bottle coming and she'd rather eat it naked than get dressed, but nothing earth-shattering.

Well, last night, she did her best to refuse to let me put a diaper on her. She wanted to keep playing. I was literally wrestling with my child, trying to get her to lie flat on her back for just 5 seconds and she kept squirming, writhing, and then dissolved into a full-out temper tantrum. How do I know it was a temper tantrum? Because the moment she thought I was giving up (i.e. I managed to get a diaper on her and paused to reach for her jammies), she would stop wailing. When I resumed dressing her, she resumed screaming as though I was trying to torture her. She ceased screeching once I gave her a bottle, but she started her tantrum back up when I tried to put her down in her crib. I ended up giving up in defeat and holding her until she fell asleep, which I rarely do anymore.

Once the actual stress of those moments were over, I had to laugh. Shawn and I are such stubborn people. Any child with our DNA mix was sure to be strong-willed. I imagine God up in heaven laughing and thinking "You did this to your mother--your turn!" (I don't believe that, in reality, God works that way, but it's an amusing mental picture).

I have a feeling toddlerhood with Bella is going to be an interesting time. I am already reading up on how to discipline appropriately, structure her day, and figure out how to avoid power struggles at all costs (because while I am mule-headed enough to win them, the fewer we have, the better). I have to say, though (and I know might look back on this entry and call myself crazy in a few months/years) that I think I'd rather have a child who knows what she wants and fights for it than a child who is overly compliant. I feel like a strong-willed toddler who is taught self-control and self-discipline is much more likely to turn into a teenager who knows her own mind and doesn't do stupid things simply because her friends are (I know--she'll just do the stupid things that appeal to her!)

In other Bella-news, she is now babbling away as well as shrieking when she wants to "talk" with us. We've been using baby sign language with her and she might have signed back to us last night for the first time (I couldn't quite tell if she was making the sign for milk or not--it looked like it--we'll wait to see if she repeats it in an appropriate context again soon). She has found one vegetable she'll eat (zucchini), but prefers fruits and dairy products. She is still working on crawling, but seems to think that rolling is just faster, so she generally ends up rolling toward what she wants instead.

Basically, temper tantrums included, she's still just the best daughter ever. I love my life.

Just for Fun...

2010-02-24T21:32:00.003-05:00

...I thought I would share this picture. Aunt Laurie has started calling Bella our little lizard, because she's having so much fun sticking out her tongue.

I was ecstatic tonight when Bella managed to rake a tiny piece of banana off her high chair tray and get it into her mouth (a good month ahead of developmental schedules, thank you very much!). While I know it's a little early to be expecting her to aim toward the Ivy League, we think our little girl is awfully smart.

It's difficult to consider how many disappointments are being dealt out in the surrogacy community right now, some to people we've met and have been praying for and rooting for during the past year. Every day that I look at Bella, I know how blessed we are. I wish that surrogacy was an easier road for all of us.

Partners in Crime

2010-02-12T08:02:00.003-05:00

Bella is in love...with our dog...especially when Zaira is naughty. Yesterday, Zaira barked and growled at me because she wanted to play. I scolded. Bella laughed. Last night, Zaira was jumping up trying to snatch a bath mat from my hands. I told her off. Bella giggled fit to burst. This morning, Bella tried to spit her bananas down to a waiting Zee. I managed to prevent that one. They are ganging up on me!

As you can see, a certain Little Miss is well on her way to crawling. I can't wait to see the trouble she and Zaira get into then!

Accomplishments

2010-02-08T07:38:00.005-05:00

Our little girl is growing up so fast! It's hard to believe a couple of months ago that she couldn't hold her head up, because I feel like she's going to be asking me for the keys to the car any minute now with the rate at which she's accomplishing new things.

She is now sitting without support and figuring out how to do so without toppling over. This morning, she even pulled herself from a recline into a sitting position.

A few days ago, she pushed herself onto all fours for the first time and now is starting to do so regularly, as well as sway once she's got herself there. I need to start think about baby-proofing, because she's going to be crawling soon.

She now recognizes her name, and will turn to look at us (and sometimes grin) when we call her.

Her cutest accomplishment by far is that she said "da-da" yesterday--but the best part is that she mainly does so while "chewing" (snapping her gums together) and whispering! She said it out loud once, but she seems to enjoy experimenting with the noises she can make, so whispering it is for now. (And just in case anyone asks: no, she has no idea that da-da means daddy or Shawn).

Bella's only negative exploit is getting both her parents and her grandparents quite ill last week while (thanks to recent vaccinations) she barely got sick herself. Don't get me wrong--I am so glad for her sake that she wasn't as sick as we were. I just wish she hadn't shared her germs!

Bella's First Vacation

2010-01-30T12:55:00.009-05:00

Well Bella has completed her first vacation, and we all made it back home in one piece!

Since we were traveling with a six-month-old, we decided that this trip would simply be about getting warm and seeing people we know and love, not about trying to see lots of sights.

We started out flying into Orlando, Florida. I think it might just be a little piece of heaven on earth to go from 0-degree weather (once you factor in wind chills) to the high 60's low 70's of the South.

We stayed the first few days at Shawn's grandma's winter place down in the Orlando area. While she has met Bella, she hadn't had the opportunity to spend time with her like this before, and it was so much fun to hear her say (multiple times a day) that Bella was such a happy, contented girl. We played miniature golf, shuffleboard, went out for Mexican food, and soaked up sun while we were there.

We got to spend some time with my cousin, Vinny, as well, who just got his Ph.D last May and is teaching down in the Orlando area. It's still so odd to me that my cousin, who was more interested in sports and girls than academics in high school, has a doctorate...even though I helped him edit his dissertation, so I really should believe it.

From Orlando, we drove to Tampa to spend some time with my friend Brad and his wife, Kelly. Brad and I went to high school together, and he is still one of the funniest guys I've ever known. Their chocolate lab was a big hit with Bella, who may grow up to be as much of an animal lover as her parents.

We went to the beach with Brad and Kelly and dipped Bella's toes into the Gulf of Mexico. Sadly, it was too cold for real swimming. (I have a picture of her feet actually in the water, but I like this one better). She also got to try out a swing set for the first time.

After that, we drove up to Atlanta, where we spent a few nights with one of my college roommates, her husband, and their 16-month-old Maddie. They took us to the Georgia Aquarium. Shawn and I were fascinated with all the fish. Bella didn't seem to notice them, so we might have to go back again in a few years!

We spent our last few days in Savannah. We walked all over the historic district, got a tour of a regency-period house, walked to the top of a lighthouse, and spent some time on the beach. While it was beautiful there, Shawn and I decided we are simply too spoiled. After touring so much of Europe, American cities just aren't that impressive to us. We agreed that we prefer the natural beauty of our country for impressive vacation locales.

We got home yesterday, and I have to admit that it was one of the best parts of the vacation. We had so much fun, but we missed Zaira (who was in ecstasy to see us, but maybe could have done without Bella's excitement to see her again), and there's just something more relaxing about your own bed.

Bleary Eyed

2010-01-11T09:03:00.003-05:00

How is it possible that I can still hate Mondays even though I no longer leave my home to work?

(On a side note, someone asked me at church last week if I work any longer. I smile, pointed at my daughter, and said "Yes, I work. I take care of her." Why don't most people think about the way they phrase things? In most ways, I think working mothers have a harder go of it than stay-at-home moms, but even as a stay-at-home mom, I still work!)

Back to why I hate Mondays. First off, Shawn goes back to work. While I know it's necessary, since we like to do things like buy groceries, I like when he's home. Secondly, I got very little sleep last night, which makes the hours between now and bedtime seem interminable.

Our thermostat needed a battery change, and shut off in the middle of the night last night. Right around the same time, Bella got her arm stuck between the crib slats while on her stomach and started wailing. I got up to help her out, but since it was rather cold in our house, she couldn't get back to sleep. It took two hours (during which the house warmed back up) and an extra sleep sack (basically a blanket that zips around her so she can't get it over her face) before she finally fell back to sleep.

I had grand plans for today, which were all shot by 3am this morning. Since it's currently 10 degrees F (-12 C) outside, I intended to get up before Bella and take Zaira on a short walk. After Bella's morning feeding, the plan was to do diaper laundry, fold other laundry, and clean the kitchen. Other than feeding Bella, not much else got accomplished.

After being awake for 2 hours in the middle of the night, I couldn't drag myself out of bed to walk my puppy. Neither can I summon the energy for much else. I have a feeling today is going to be One of Those Days. Especially since Bella went down for her morning nap 20 minutes ago and is already screaming.

On a happier note, I now have full proof that Bella is, in fact, my daughter (I wasn't in any doubt of it before, but it's becoming more and more apparent that she is a lot like me personality/tastes-wise, too).

Yes, that is chocolate cake she's reaching for. So far, she happily eats solid food, but the only things she's gotten excited about are water, and now chocolate cake (not that she got to try any of the cake just yet).

Happy Monday! I hope yours started a bit better than mine.

We Are in Trouble!

2010-01-07T08:22:00.003-05:00

I am about 95% sure that Bella committed her first act of defiance.

Of all her meals in the day, Bella is least interested in her 3pm bottle. I've accepted the fact that she doesn't eat much during that feeding, but since it's a long time between her 11am feeding and the 6:30 bedtime feeding, I try to convince her to take as much as possible before she refuses to eat anymore.

Yesterday, she seemed like she was nearing her limit of patience with her bottle, but as she'd only eaten 4 oz, I stupidly tried to get her to eat just a little more. Looking very annoyed, she let me put the bottle in her mouth, but turned her head away a moment or two later. I resigned and took the bottle back. It was at that point that she turned to face me and promptly spit a mouth-full of formula all over me!

Needless to say, I was not pleased at the time, although I do find it a bit hilarious now. I'm not sure if a 5-month-old can be defiant, but it certainly seemed like it. She's going to be just as stubborn as her daddy and I. We are in for it!

On to bragging about my gorgeous daughter. She is starting to sit without support, push herself up on her knees, and move the length of her crib and playpen very agilely. We're thinking that we might have a month or two before we have to start baby-proofing, but it might not even be that much with the rate that she's learning and changing.

Much to Zaira's chagrin, Bella has figured out that Zaira is a live toy. After 5 months of Zee licking up spit-up off of Bella's face (which Bella hated), I have to say that I don't have much sympathy for our dog. Bella is enjoying grabbing whatever piece of Zee she can reach--lip, ear, shoulder, tail--and either yanking on it or trying to put it in her mouth. Zaira is incredibly tolerant and generally licks her. A few times, she has (with utmost gentleness) extracted her fur from Bella's grasp with her teeth. It's amazing to watch as Zaira has instinctively known to barely graze her teeth against Bella.

I feel like my infant isn't really an infant any longer. She's suddenly so big and so obviously on the road to independence. Despite being spat at, however, she's still the most perfect, lovable baby that ever was.

Baby's First Christmas

2009-12-25T18:52:00.002-05:00

I cannot begin to describe how grateful I am to have my little girl here with us this Christmas. Holidays were simply horrific during the infertility years, and it's so wonderful to see what God has blessed us with now that we've made it to the other side. (And can I just say, there are several of you who I can't wait to join us!)

Sadly, I spent Christmas rather sick with a combination of flu/cold symptoms; but I was able to watch my family fight over whose turn it was to hold Bella and know that even sick and exhausted, this was my best Christmas yet.

Bella got tons of lovely presents, including two dolls that she is already crazy about. I can't wait to start dressing her in her cute new outfits.

I promise pictures in the next post, but I don't have the energy to do that work right now. I am off to eat soup and head to bed, knowing I am blessed beyond measure. Merry Christmas!

Avocado and Other Things

2009-12-07T10:10:00.004-05:00

We're only seven days into this month, and it's already been packed with firsts for Bella. She started "solid" foods, drank from a cup for the first time, and has found her toes! I can only imagine what she's going to accomplish in the next 24 days!

This past Saturday, we fed her avocado, her first food. We decided to follow the Super Baby Foods diet put forth in Ruth Yaron's book, which includes making your own organic baby food. Since babies are not able to process whole grains until 6 months, we're holding off on the traditional cereal until then and are starting with avocado, bananas, and sweet potatoes.

Bella made lots of funny faces during her first foray with eating, but she did well, eating about a teaspoon of food. This morning was the third time we've fed her and she ate a tablespoon, so we're happy. The book stressed the importance of starting water when your baby starts solids, so we gave her water froma cup after her meal. She grabbed right onto the handle and helped bring it to her mouth on her first attempt! We think she got more water on her than in her, but we know she'll keep learning. So far, she's more impressed with the water than she is with the avocado. (In the interest of expediency this morning, I gave her water with her spoon. She drank all I offered her and probably would have had more).

Also on Saturday, we bought her a Hallmark "Baby's First Christmas" tree ornament. These are a tradition for many families here in the States. I'm so excited to have her's up on the Christmas tree next to mine.

Our favorite thing she does right now is "talk," by which I mean coo, gurgle, and shriek out the cutest noises imaginable. The other is that she is trying hard to push herself onto her knees during tummy time. She's not that interested in rolling over--she seems to want to go straight to crawling.

We're having fun preparing for Christmas--shopping for presents, decoarting the house, and planning out baked goods. This Christmas is going to be a particularly special one, obviously, because it's going to be our first time to celebrate as parents. We're looking forward to seeing how much Bella's grandparents spoil her!

Holidays

2009-12-01T10:02:00.003-05:00

It's hard to believe that it's December already.

We had our first snowfall that stuck to the ground last night--I don't remember a time when the snow held off this long. Around here, you can both trick-or-treat and go to Mother's Day Brunch in the snow, so this has been a refreshing change.

Thanksgiving was so much fun. We enjoyed both sets of families, and all of them seemed to enjoy Bella. She's the only baby in my family right now and she was passed around and played with until she had a meltdown Thanksgiving night because she just wanted to be left alone! On Shawn's side, she's child 4 of 6--all her cousins are 2 and younger. We were laughing about how busy we're all going to be chasing these kids around in a few years. I never had cousins my age, and while I adored my older cousins in particular, I had always thought it would be fun to have what Bella will have.

We had our 4 month check-up at the pediatrician last week. Bella is 13 pounds, 13 oz; 24 in tall, and perfect. The doctor gave us the go-ahead to start solid foods, so that will be our next adventure this coming weekend.

I planned to write a bit more, but my little girl is awake and squawking in her crib, so here's a picture to close with. Isn't my daughter the prettiest little girl in the world (I'm not biased or anything!)

Bee, I Promise...

2009-11-10T08:40:00.003-05:00

...that I won't embarrass you as a teenager by saying this, but I can't resist today:

Happy Conception Day!!!

One year ago today, Daddy, the doctors, and I made you (and hopefully a brother or sister or two--but they're not here yet!). This will always be a special day for me, but I promise it won't be one I publicize to your friends, ever.

I love you little girl. I always will.

Love, Momma

Dedication Weekend

2009-11-08T20:07:00.004-05:00

This weekend was another milestone in our lives; we had Bella dedicated at church.

For those of you that are wondering what in the world a dedication is, here's the short version. In many Protestant denominations, there is a hesitancy to baptize infants. The reasoning behind this is first that there is no Biblical example of baptizing infants. The other is that we do not believe that salvation is gained through baptism. We believe that the choice to accept Jesus' sacrifice is a personal one--not a decision your parents can make for you. Dedicating a baby is when parents make a commitment to raising their child in a Christian household, in hopes that their child will choose to be a Christian herself.

Doctrinal lesson over :)

We had tons of family here for the weekend and even more come for our post-dedication party. We had so much fun with everyone and lots of doting grandparents, aunts, uncles, greats of all of those.

I really enjoyed my 2-year-old niece, E. She is so cute (and obedient!) and is starting to remember me between visits, so that we start having fun right away. While I don't want to wish away Bella's life, I am excited to get to the "terrible" twos and get to talk about so many random, crazy things. The best, by far, was when we were walking Zaira and passed a broken toilet, (which happened to be purple and therefore alluring) left out to be picked up by the garbage collection. E was so disappointed that she couldn't use the purple potty, outdoors, in the frigid November weather!

I had a fun laugh the other day when Shawn called home from work to tell me a co-worker of his has been disappointed that there haven't been more picture-infused updates on blog lately. So here you go--one of our snow bunny (thanks Aunt B and Uncle T!) and one of our little family at the dedication (not my favorite picture of myself, but oh well) and our happy baby girl in her swing.

One Year Ago Today...

2009-10-21T08:04:00.004-04:00

...I was nearly hyperventilating as I took my first injection of Lupron.

Here we are a year later with a perfect baby girl. I feel so incredibly blessed and humbled. I know I am one of the lucky ones--that surrogacy attempts don't usually go this smoothly. Looking back over this year, it has absolutely been one of the most stressful of my entire life...but the end result was worth every moment of it.

(Bella, sorry for the spit-up picture, but this is how you look half the day!)

Two Milestones

2009-10-17T18:38:00.004-04:00

Dearest Bella,

You are 3 months old! It’s hard to believe that you have been here for so long already—it seemed like the waiting for you to arrive would never end, and now you’re already passing milestones.

This blog post is a milestone for me, because it’s my 100th one! To celebrate, I thought I would figure out 100 things to tell you…and put them in top 10 lists, mostly to have a way to organize them. So, here goes:

Top 10 Cutest Things You Do:
1. Smile widely when someone smiles at you.
2. Smile when you hear our voices
3. Talk to yourself when you wake up in your crib
4. Snuggle your head into Mommy’s neck when you’re tired
5. Scream delightedly over nothing at all
6. Kick your legs and flail your arms as though you are ready to be on the move
7. Scrunch up your forehead and nose as though you’re thinking hard
8. Study people’s faces when you meet them for the first time
9. Smile when Zaira comes over to lick you
10. Grab onto Mommy and Daddy’s clothes as though you don’t want to let us go.

Top 10 Most Annoying Things You Do:
1. Spit up, all over everything, all the time
2. Poop multiple times a day
3. Head-butt Mommy and Daddy
4. Rock yourself backwards in our arms with no warning so we’re worried about dropping you.
5. Screaming bloody murder during tummy time as though we’re torturing you
6. Wake up half-way through a nap because you need to burp, not go back to sleep, and then are fussy straight through until your next nap
7. Grab my hair, yank it, and refuse to let go
8. Get strands of my hair twisted around your fingers and then fight me when I try to remove them.
9. Kick us in the stomach while we have you lying across our laps
10. Pee while your in the bathtub

Top 10 Most Surprising Things About Being a Mommy So Far:
1. How much I love you
2. Realizing that the “mother bear” instincts of fighting anyone who’d even think of hurting you really do exist
3. How much fun it is to have people tell me I’m a “relaxed” new parent (you survived starting out life in a Petri dish—what could I possibly do to hurt you now?)
4. What a good baby you are, giving me plenty of time to take care of Daddy, cook, clean, take care of Zaira, and have time for myself (I was really expecting to give that last one up).
5. How you look so much like me, but are MUCH prettier
6. That I still don’t really feel like a grown-up
7. That, for the most part—with Daddy being the main exception—I have become a gateway to you. People don’t come over to see me anymore (I truly don’t care about this at all and don’t blame them—you’re awfully cute).
8. That I don’t mind changing diapers, but sometimes have to put on headphones so that I can block out your screaming when you’re overtired and having a hard time falling asleep.
9. That as much as I love you and am so glad to be home with you, having Daddy come home is still the best part of the day
10. That I have a daughter after wanting one for so long

My Top 10 Favorite Books (because I always have to talk about books):
1. Pride and Prejudice—Jane Austen
2. Emma—Jane Austen
3. To Kill a Mockingbird—Harper Lee
4. Walking on Water—Madeleine L’Engle
5. A Friend at Midnight—Caroline Cooney
6. The Harry Potter books—JK Rowling
7. The Anne of Green Gables books—Lucy Maud Montgomery
8. What Child is This—Caroline Cooney
9. Circle of Friends—Maeve Binchy
10. Whatever my current obsession is at the moment

My Top 10 Favorite Movies:
1. Love Story
2. Gone with the Wind
3. Casablanca
4. While You Were Sleeping
5. Wild Hearts Can't be Broken
6. Once
7. Freedom Writers
8. Romeo and Juliet
9. Amazing Grace
10. Whatever new movie is my current obsession

Top 10 Weirdest Things About Mommy and Daddy:
1. Mommy is a lot like Monica on Friends
2. Daddy’s a lot like Sheldon on The Big Bang Theory (the really weird thing is that we are the ones who admitted to being like these characters before other people said it, so we just laugh about it)
3. We research everything. People make fun of us that we learned how to raise you by reading books (but it’s working—you’re happy, healthy, and sleeping!)
4. We prefer a night at home watching TV to going out most of the time
5. As much as we like our friends, we’d usually pick hanging out with family over hanging out with friends.
6. While this is not weird to us, it is to other people: neither Daddy nor I have ever been drunk, tried drugs, or slept with anyone until we were married
7. Neither one of like to talk on the telephone unless we know the person on the other end very well.
8. We keep track of who cleaned up Zaira’s messes last and make the other person do it next time (and that saves us fighting and resentment instead of creating it!)
9. Mommy likes teenagers (and dogs) better than most adults
10. Daddy does math problems for fun

Top 5 Weirdest Things About Gege (I thought about having this be a top 10 list about the whole family, but figured I shouldn’t post their quirks without permission. Gege was here to gives hers):

1. Worrying is really her favorite hobby
2. Cleaning is her second favorite
3. She’s lived in the same city all her life and still doesn’t know her way around it
4. She says she hates shopping but can’t stop buying us stuff (you or me)
5. She makes up songs to sing to you

To offset that, the top 5 best things about Gege:
1. She will drop everything for us, whenever we need or want her
2. She listens to everything you have to say, however many times you have to say it
3. She loves her family more than anything else in the world
4. She is incredibly selfless
5. She thinks you are the cutest, smartest, best baby ever (milk it, most people won’t adore you like this!)

Top 10 Chores I Hate to Do:
1. Raking leaves
2. Cutting back landscaping
3. Weed whacking
4. Scrubbing out showers/tubs
5. Scrubbing floors on hands and knees
6. Folding clothes
7. Putting folded clothes away
8. Making Zaira’s food
9. Washing your bottles
10. Did I mention anything having to do with yard work?

Top 10 Favorite Things to Do:
1. Hang out with you and Daddy
2. Hang out with my family
3. Hang out with friends
4. Sleep
5. Read
6. Watch TV/movies
7. Write
8. Trawl the internet
9. Cook/bake
10. Eat junk food

Top 10 Things I Hope You Do/Learn/Experience as You Grow Up:
1. Love the Lord
2, Fall in love with the right man (and not too many wrong ones)
3. Find a career you enjoy
4. Do well enough in school that no doors are closed for you, but not so well that your studies consume you
5. Accept the body and face the Lord gave you—being as thin as a supermodel is not a prerequisite for happiness
6. Age gracefully (no one needs Botox)
7. Realize that you are never “too old” for an activity you enjoy
8. Understand that having a few close, loyal friends is preferable to being “popular” and having no real friends.
9. Figure out a way to have enough money for your needs and some wants, but also figuring out how not to let money consume you
10. Find contentment in the small things and let go of the little annoyances that don’t matter in the grand scheme of life.

And that's 100, whew! That only took me all day. I love you, sweetie!
Momma

Boot Camp

2009-10-09T15:56:00.003-04:00

Just when I thought I was the hang of things and thinking that I had the easiest baby in the world, things started changing.

Bella had adjusted beautifully to a three-hours schedule during the day. She was taking three two hours naps and sleeping from 7:30pm to 7am (yes, I know, in the words of my cousin, I suck). I was getting out of the house a lot more and for the most part, Bella was coming along for the ride, either napping in her car seat or the stroller. I thought I had it made.

Then reality hit...in the form of a 12lb little girl who decided that napping wasn't much fun anymore. For about a week, Bella would go down for a nap, wake up 30-45 minutes later (if I was lucky) or not really go down at all. During each of these days, she got progressively crankier and crankier. I thought I was going to lose my mind at one point due to all the screaming. I knew it wouldn't be productive to scream back, but there were a few moments I felt like it!

I was getting worried that this lack of napping was going to begin to affect her nighttime sleep, since everything we read was adamant that poor napping makes overtired babies who do not get quality sleep at night, either.

So I did what I always do, I went to my books. In re-reading several passages in The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems (another Tracy Hogg book I HIGHLY recommend), it mentioned that progressively shorter naps signal readiness to be moved to a 4-hour routine, with two naps instead of three.

So Bella is in boot camp to get back to napping. I have committed to staying at home for at least a week (so she can sleep in her crib) and am gradually trying to increase her waking periods, as well as adding ounces to a few of her feeds. While I am beginning to go a little stir crazy already, my child has taken naps the past two days, and I have actually had time to read, clean my house, and hop on the computer again. Life is good again.

I have the distinct feeling that every time I feel like I've got a rhythm going, Bella is going to change things on me. But with a smile like this one, who can resist just going along for the ride?

Two Month Check Up...and Other Things

2009-09-22T09:19:00.002-04:00

Bella had her two month check up at the doctor's yesterday. She is growing steadily, and according to Dr. N, "very proportionately" as she is in the 60-70th percentiles in everything. He also mentioned that she is the most verbal two-month-old he's ever seen! (I think our little girl is brilliant, but it's good to know that the doctor is impressed too, since I'm not biased at all or anything!)

Vaccinations, on the other hand, are NOT a fun part of these visits. Bella screamed when she was stuck with the needles and was running a low fever yesterday afternoon. She did not want to be put down, which was fine with us, as we loved the excuse to hold her all night. Thankfully, she seems to have slept off the worst of the reactions last night and seems to be her normal self this morning.

Bella is starting to fit into her 3-6 month clothing and it's a little sad watching her grow out of things already. However, it's always fun to have new things to put on her. I swear sometimes that having a daughter is just a tiny bit like having a live doll to play dress up with! (B, I promise, honey, I really know you're a person developing your own tastes. I will let you chose your own clothes and dress yourself as soon as you wish to, but for now, this is great!)

On a different note, I need a short venting session. I was talking with a good friend, who knows all of the gory details of my infertility and many about our surrogacy story this past week. There are many, many ways in which I love this woman, and we had so much fun together with our two little girls.

She really doesn't get my emotions about my infertility and I have given up trying to explain to her how to be sensitive to me. For the most part, I accept that she doesn't get it and try to focus on how many wonderful things there are about our relationship. However, I couldn't quite contain myself when she started to complain that her period just returned now that she has started weaning her daughter. She was whining, basically expecting me to feel sorry for her.

I was proud of myself. I didn't lose my temper. I just said "Yeah, I'm not the person to complain to about that. From my perspective, having a period is a good thing. It means you can get pregnant again, not have to scrape together another $30,000 to have another baby."

She was distracted and asked me if that was really how much it had cost to bring Bella into the world (and yes, that was about the price tag once everything like travel and hotels were factored in). I went with the change of subject and decided to let it go, but it really bothered me. Couldn't she restrict her complaining to her fertile friends? I am sure they'd commiserate with her. I'm sorry, but I refuse to.

Ok, venting over. It's nice to have somewhere to get it off my chest...especially since so many of you reading this totally get it.

Well, I think I have given up on Bella sleeping anymore this nap. She's talking away to herself in her crib. I am off to enjoy her!

Empowered

2009-09-15T14:30:00.002-04:00

It's a strange experience to go from feeling inadequate to feeling empowered.

Like many infertile women, I struggled with so many aspects of knowing that I could not carry my child. I wondered if I would feel like Bella's mother. I agonized over the fact that I couldn't breastfeed and spent weeks researching inducing lactation (only to come to the conclusion that I would be insane to try it. The beginning of motherhood was going to be stressful enough without that too).

Here I am, not quite two months after the birth of my beautiful baby girl, and all of those feelings have literally disappeared. Most days, I feel very confident as a parent. Bella is settling into a fantastic routine. It's taken a little while, but I feel like I both know my daughter and am finally starting to feel like a mom. (I still don't feel like an adult, though. I am wondering when that's going to kick in. On any given day, I still feel like I could be 21 again).

During Bella's pregnancy, I was so grieved not to be able to breastfeed. Now I'm glad I can't. I think I would have originally, but having had a taste of bottle-feeding, I can say with confidence that I would never choose to exclusively breastfeed even if it were an option. I love the freedom of being able to let someone else feed Bella. It's great that I can do the late night feeding and Shawn can do the early morning one. It's fabulous to have my parents come over to baby-sit and be able to go to dinner with my husband and not be either uncomfortable or on a clock.

What clinches the knowledge that I am past so many insecurities is my sudden comfort around other mothers...and even pregnant women. I don't envy them anymore--not a single one. After all, I have Bella. She's the most angelic baby I have ever come across and I love to brag about her. It's so great to be able to have women I was once jealous of be jealous of me instead. Not many people can say that their 8-week-old is sleeping through the night consistently (10-7!) or that she rarely cries and is easy to comfort when she does.

I know I may struggle with these feelings again at some point when procuring a sibling for Bella isn't as easy as it is for others, but I don't think it would be as difficult the second time around. Plus, there's a small part of me that thinks I should quit while I am ahead. It's unlikely a baby number 2 would be as good a sleeper as this one is! (But maybe he/she wouldn't be as prone to projectile spit-up...which I admit would be a refreshing change!)

Slightly Bitter, Mostly Sweet

2009-09-09T07:54:00.003-04:00

It's the first day of school today...and it's the first time in 22 years that I am not a part of it (either as a student or a teacher). While I am doing exactly what I have always dreamed of doing--being a stay-at-home mom of a little girl--I admit to mixed feelings about life going on in the world without me.

I'm such a strange jumble of emotions. I am jealous that my friends are going to be together every day with out me. I miss "my" kids (former students). While I want my last year's class to like the new literature teacher that took my place, a very selfish part of me hopes that they don't like her quite as much as they did me.

On the other hand, it's nice to be sitting in my pajamas, listening to Bella coo, and typing out a blog post whilst the other teachers are madly trying to finish up last minute preparations before the homeroom students pile in. And I know it's going to be fabulous to be watching the season premiers of my TV shows in a few weeks without any guilt over the fact that I really should have brought papers home to grade while watching them.

There are things I am going to miss about being a teacher...but I realized as I sat feeding my daughter at 4am that it was so great that I didn't have to get up again in an hour to make myself presentable. I am so blessed that I am able to do this...I know so many who pursue surrogacy cannot.

For Posterity

2009-09-08T08:58:00.004-04:00

Dearest Bella,

I am writing this for a few reasons. First, I want (for myself) to be able to remember some of these things. Second, I want you to know them. Thirdly, I thought that we might all get a laugh out of them someday J.

So here goes…for posterity:

The book I finished the night before you were born: Breaking Dawn, by Stephenie Meyer. (But, for the record, you were not named after the Twilight books. We chose your name way before I had ever heard of them).

The first book I read after you were here: Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen (it was also the first book I ever read to you—well, parts of it anyway—I was hoping to develop your ear for language and your appreciation for literature as early as possible).

The second book I read after you were here: Tender Mercies by Lauraine Snelling

Some books I found painful and couldn’t make it through: The Lord of the Rings series and Gone with the Wind (although I loved that movie. This was probably one of the three times in my life that I found that I like a movie better than the book).

I hope that my reading taste can teach you two things. One: Just because something is popular doesn’t mean you have to love it—or hate it. Decide that for yourself based on your own tastes, not literary snobbery, blindly following pop-culture fads, or because someone else likes it. Two: Just because something isn’t popular doesn’t mean it isn’t well-written. Some of my favorite books never made it to mainstream popularity.

The last movie I saw in the theater before you were born: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (and, yes, we went to the midnight showing. Daddy and I said it was our last time to act like teenagers before we became parents and had to grow up for real).

My favorite movie: Love Story (you’ll be at least 16 before I let you watch it, though).

Some favorite movies from when I was a kid: Wild Hearts Can’t be Broken, The Newsies, and Little Women (the version with Winona Ryder).

My favorite recording artist: Nichole Nordeman (I think she is such an intelligent lyricist and really encapsulates some of the struggles many Christians feel).

The top song in the US the week you were born: “I Gotta Feeling” by the Black Eyed Peas (at least it wasn’t Miley Cyrus or Britney Spears!)

My biggest internet obsessions: Facebook, Flickr, and (of course) surrogacy blogs

Our favorite parenting books: Secrets of the Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg…and I think we’re starting to sicken people with them now since we’re always quoting them.

I tried to google the top news story the day you were born, but my researching skills weren’t good enough to come up with much. I admit I wasn’t all that concerned with the news that day, what with being in airports, trying to get to India to see you, and calling nearly everyone I’ve ever known to tell them you were here! (I do, however, remember hearing endlessly about Michael Jackson’s death right before you were born and being SO irritated that the fact that it was the top news story for weeks and the fact that congress was voting on the cap-and-trade bill was barely mentioned once. [It shows you the complete idiocy of the some of the American public and might just be why so many people in the world hate us]).

My first thought when I saw you: She’s SO beautiful!

I hope this gives you a good idea both of what I liked and who I was around the time you were born. I hope you share some of my likes and dislikes…but I simply can’t wait to see what yours are!

Love, Mom

P.S. I think there are people who would like to see you, hence the following pictures:

Blessed

2009-09-01T08:36:00.003-04:00

You're never too old to be your mommy's little girl.

And goodness, I am so glad that's true. I started to feel sick on Sunday and knew when I woke up before Bella on Monday morning that I was going to need to go in to see the doctor. So after a few hours (once it was an acceptable time of the morning to call people), I called my mom. Of course, she dropped everything and came over to baby sit and help me out.

One of the many wonderful things about my mother is her work ethic. The woman never sits still. She did four loads of laundry for me, did dishes, took Zaira for a walk, changed Bella's sheets, fed her, changed her, and played with her. Meanwhile, I got to the doctor's, got some antibiotics, and laid around on the couch. My mom and I laughed that the only problem with her day is that my dad was sure to be jealous when he heard she got to spend time with Bella.

I don't know what people do who don't have their parents in town. While I had plans years ago to move away from my hometown, I am glad they didn't work out. I am happy to be here.

Switching to the reason why you all read my blog, Bella's perfect. She is simply the best, easiest, most beautiful baby that ever was. She's a little over six weeks and is starting to coo, to smile at us, and to sleep through the night (praise the Lord and all our research about baby schedules!!!). She babbles all day long...and I am sure that in a year or two, she'll be chattering non-stop.

I feel so blessed to be living my life right now. I have such an amazing family--both the one I was born into and the one I chose for myself. Now all I'd like (along with my parents, who express this sentiment nearly once a week) is to get a windfall of cash--so that I could finance as many surrogacy attempts as it takes for my surro buddies to have children themselves.

GeGe's Turn

2009-08-25T10:50:00.005-04:00

Note from Carrie Jo: my mom wanted to write a post for the blog and sent it to me over a week ago for editing. Somehow or another, today was the first time I both remembered and had a chance to do so. Enjoy!

When a couple decides to embark on surrogacy, they obviously can't do it alone. It takes the knowledge , support, and prayers of so many. Though this was Carrie-Jo and Shawn's experience, as CJ's mom, I lived every moment of it too, so I would like to share some snippets from my personal journey by publicly thanking the many people who helped through the years in no particular order except the first and most important.

Lord and Savior, there are no words to express your faithfulness. You have been with me through so much starting with the day of the awful diagnosis when CJ was 15. I thought then that I was witnessing the death of a dream.You stood by me through the stages of grief. I admit I hung on to anger for too long. I can't believe you didn't strike me dead through my ranting, pleading, and telling you how to do your job. You were there when I was on my knees praying for a husband for my child. I had a long list of qualities for the person I thought would compliment Carrie-Jo and that she would compliment as well. Of course you exceeded my expectations, because Shawn is all those things and more. He is a wonderful life's partner that any parent would be thrilled to have as part of their family. (I love you son, more than you know).

Lord, You helped me achieve peace about the fertility drugs Carrie-Jo had to take, knowing how anxious I was about them. You got my kids to India and back safely in the fall, protected Bella in another woman's womb, and watched over them most recently when they went to pick up their bundle of joy. You are truly the Rock on which I stand. Now, Lord, I pray that you will grant me long life so I can help nurture Isabella to grow in your ways, and do all the fun things with her I've been dreaming about.

Secondly, I would like to thank Dr. B, CJ's fertility doctor in our hometown. You are a brilliant, humble, and compassionate man. I could never repay you for the medical care you have given my child with such kindness and sensitivity. Thank you also for putting up with her crazy irrational mother. How can I ever thank you enough for opening up your office on a Saturday to explain medical procedures which helped me in my healing process? Thanks too, for supporting CJ and Shawn's surrogacy decision. You will always hold a special place in my heart.

Next I'd like to express my gratitude to the SI team. Dr. Yash and Dr. Sudhir, you have used your talents in such a wonderful way to bring hope to people wanting to increase their family. Carrie-Jo sings your praises all the time.

Amit, thanks to you too for helping my kids navigate their way through India. You went above and beyond the call of duty.

To CJ and Shawn's wonderful surrogate M, there is just no way to show my appreciation for the smile that has not left my daughter's face since she handed Bella to me in the airport. It was a moment worth all our many tears.

I would also like to express my gratitude to my family who has stood by us, grieved with us, believed God with us, and is now celebrating with us. You are the best.

My friends (you know who you are) who love me through my multitude of moods I thank you for listening to me say the same things over and over again, for praying with me, counseling me, reading the blog, sending countless e-mail, and rejoicing in our happiness. What a gift to have you in my life.

I'm also indebted to CJ's friends. Although I tried to be there for her through the years, I know at times I failed. Either said too much, not enough, or was useless because my emotions were so tied to hers. Thanks for your wisdom, counsel, laughs, tears, shoulders, and most of all your prayers.

I could never forget to thank "The Club" that no one would ever choose to be a part of. I am talking about the couples on the forum and the blog who are in various stages of the surrogacy process. You could teach the world so much about love, care, and support. I still can't believe the connection I feel to people from all over the globe I have never met. I wish those of you who now have or will soon have their babies many years of health and happiness with them. For those of you still waiting, I fervently pray that God will give you the desire of your hearts.

Lastly I'd like to share some thought with my daughters.

My beautiful Laurie, I thank you for reversing roles with me at times and being a mother to me when my faith wasn't what it should have been. I know I have been preoccupied with Jo this past year, yet you never complained. Instead you went on to be the wonderful daughter and sister you are. I love you.

My precious Jo, what can I say? We've been through so much together, and now we share the role of "mom". How awesome is that? You have been such a source of joy to Daddy and me. I'm so grateful God lent you to us. I'll end by borrowing a line your sister penned publicly about your several years ago. Your entire life has been an example to me.

Thanks everyone,
Bella's GeGe

First Milestone

2009-08-17T16:21:00.004-04:00

My baby is one month old already!

It's so hard to believe that I've been a mother to Isabella for a month. It makes me realize that she's going to fly through this first year of her life. I am going to pay close and careful attention so that I don't miss anything.

We've had lots of fun firsts and not-so-fun firsts.

Fun ones:

Lifting her head up and turning it around all on her own
Going to church
Outgrowing an outfit
Singing through most of the Sound of Music soundtrack whilst trying to keep her awake (and wondering what my memory would be capable of were it not stuffed with song lyrics from childhood).
Taking baths at night
Riding on an airplane
Visiting 3 continents by the time she was 2 weeks old (it took me 26 years to do so!)
Getting visited by TONS of friends and relatives
Presents--tons of adorable baby clothes--and friends and family with the good sense to buy a wide range of sizes for her

No-so-fun firsts:

Using a public restroom with Bella strapped to Mommy's chest
Using a publis restroom sink top as a changing table when nothing else was handy
Being up all night crying
Overflowing out of a diaper (but thankfully only ruining a onesie and not an outfit)
Projectile spit-up all over herself, me, and the couch in the foyer at church
Trying to figure out a schedule that Bella likes (we don't know whether she wants to go 3 or 4 hours [or somewhere in between] with her bottles)
Being trained to fall asleep on her own in her crib/playpen and not on Mommy and Daddy's chests or anyone else's arms

To close...a few pictures of Bella in the bath. Check back in a day or two, as my mom wrote a post to share.

We Are Alive And Well...

2009-08-09T12:58:00.004-04:00

...we've just been settling in at home with LOTS of visitors.

I cannot begin to tell you all how wonderful it is to be home with my daughter and to finally be a mom. For all of you who are still in the several circles of infertility hell (the planning, waiting, and negative stages), know that the end result is so wonderful and worth everything you are going through right now.

We've had so many fun "firsts."

We made our debut at church, and I got to be the lucky mom taking her fussing (and hungry) child out of service and then got to show her off to everyone once the service was over. There were, of course, the people who looked at me quizzically and said "I didn't know you were pregnant!" I did explain to most people and was pleased that everyone responded "How wonderful!"

Our dog Zaira loves Bella and wants to give her a thourough face-washing a few times a day. We think that they're going to be best of friends...especially once Bella is old enough to play.

Isabella has now met both sets of grandparents and both her great-grandmas. My dad has a hard time sharing her and my mom isn't much better. It's really fun to watch them argue over her. When my mom's not holding her, she's asking what she can do for me around the house. It's really wonderful to be living in the same city as my parents.

Shawn's mom has been at our house this past week and has been spoiling me rotten. She's cleaned bathrooms, done dishes, cooked, and gotten up for middle-of-the-night feedings. I am going to be in for a rude awakening once Bella and I are home alone all day, Shawn's back at work, and I have to do everything myself!

Shawn's older sister Christy, her daughter, and his grandmother came between Thurdsday and Saturday. Bella's cousin Evangeline is one of the cutest and best-behaved almost-two-year-olds in the world and we had so much fun with her. She enjoyed watching "Baby Bella's" baths and bottle-feedings and copied everything we did with her baby-doll. As she will be a big sister any day now, we were glad she was able to see some of this in action before Felicity arrives.

Yesterday, Shawn's dad and Christy's husband Dave were here to see Bella and join the party for the day. I thought it hysterical that people argued over who changed her dirty diapers, fed, and burped her. I don't think I held Bella once between 9am and her 4pm feeding.

Last night, as we were trying to keep Bella up between her 7pm feeding and her 10pm bedtime, we decided to start reading a book. Since there aren't age-appropriate books for newborns, we're reading Harry Potter, since we both like them and they amuse us while we struggle to stay awake with her. (Our days of leisurely TV watching between 8 and 1o and drifitng off to sleep afterward are over! Especially since we are trying to keep the TV off if Bella's awake).

I will try to get myself together to write a post about the Embassy and the FRRO this week...although there is a part of me that never wants to think about those few days again. I really hate governmental nonsense.

Here are some pictures to close with, since I know that several people have been asking for them. While I know I am biased, I think she's just the cutest little girl in the world.

I Know, I Know...

2009-08-01T11:52:00.002-04:00

...that I owe everyone a long post (or two or three) with pictures, but I must beg your understanding of being jet-lagged, having a baby who has no idea when or how long to sleep right now, and loving family members and friends who are all coming by to visit. I promise to post a real post soon.

For now, I just wanted to say that the Mumbai airport must have felt badly about the trouble the FRRO gave us, because they decided to make up for it by giving us a free vacation to Amsterdam, Holland. Our plane took off from Mumbai three hours late, and we missed our connection and had to stay in the Netherlands for a day.

As much as we wanted to get home, it was a great afternoon. We strapped Bella into her carrier and went into the center of the city to go to Anne Frank's house. I have taught her diary for the past five years and have dreamt of seeing their hiding place since I was 13 and read her diary myself. It was fabulous to have yet another dream come true.

Last night, we finally arrived home and had a lovely reunion with my parents. They fought a little over who got to hold her and she enjoyed getting to be held for so many hours. Bella initiated my mom by staying up all night while Shawn and I slept (thanks, Momma!). At the moment, we are catching up on So You Think You Can Dance while Bella takes a nap. We have laundry going and suitcases nearly unpacked. We're hoping to be back to "normal" soon.

Home, Here We Come!

2009-07-29T08:47:00.002-04:00

After a LONG day, we got an exit visa and are flying out in 7 hours. We leave for the airport in 3. Thanks for all your prayers. We'll see you stateside!

Get Me OUT of Here!!!

2009-07-28T10:19:00.002-04:00

So, a quick post to give everyone the overarching highlights, as I am wiped and don't have the energy to get into the details. I promise to post all the gory details in a week or so.

We have spent the past two days running around between the US Consulate, FRRO, Hiranandani Hospital, and the hotel. I literally think we spent more time inside a taxi today than out of it. The SI doctors (bless them) are have been doing the same right alongside us.

Everyone wanted paperwork we didn't have. Every new government office we went to, they wanted something the other office didn't require--some of it the doctors said no one had ever asked for before. The frustrating part of all of this is that everyone could tell Bella was our daughter. They just wanted "more proof"--the so-called "right" kind.

We THINK (and please beg God alongside us) that we are picking up the last bit of paperwork at 9am tomorrow morning. We have to go back to the FRRO (the place where the Indian government issues exit visas) with what we hope they want (they weren't very clear and we asked them to explain everything 3 times) because the one good thing in all of this is that the Consulate did give us an emergency passport and we have plane tickets to leave tomorrow night!

We hope and pray our next post will be from home! We covet your prayers and can't wait to see many of you soon.

Our First Sleepless Night and Other Updates

2009-07-24T01:44:00.011-04:00

Our First Sleepless Night

This is what Bella looked like five minutes ago. It was a welcome change from two nights ago, when we had our first sleepless night as parents.

It started around 9 pm. Bella just cried and cried. We tried everything we could think of--swaddling, pacifiers, feeding, making "shhh" noises in her ear, putting her on her stomach on our chests, burping her, changing her, gas drops, etc. We tried all these things over and over. Nothing was working. Around 3:30 am, I Skyped my mom (it was 6pm at home) just to complain about how I didn't know what to do.

Shawn and I were both tempted to let Bella cry it out, because we knew she must have been exhausted. We didn't want to disturb the whole hotel, however...and when it came down to it, it just seemed cruel. We knew something was wrong. She seemed to try to let us calm her down, but would inevitably return to crying. Our frustration wasn't her fault.

(**WARNING, for those of you who are easily grossed out, you might want to skip a few paragraphs**)

We both thought that she either had gas or was constipated (she hadn't gone all day) and Shawn, being the ever-amazing researcher, eventually hopped on the internet to figure out what to do. The basic suggestions were to massage Bella's stomach and bicycle kick her legs. Neither worked. The website he was reading said that constipation is very normal in newborns, since they use their diaphragm to push (as their anal muscles are not yet fully developed), and that a lot of the time, in the course of a rectal exam from your pediatrician, the baby will have muscles stimulated enough to be able to finally go.

This is where my husband gets the award for being brilliant. He looked up how to take a rectal temperature, figuring that at the very least, we'd know if she had a fever, and at best, it would help her go. Within seconds of taking it, Bella was able to go and within ten minutes voided more waste than I would have ever guessed could possibly fit into one 7lb girl.

As soon as she was done, she literally collapsed onto the makeshift changing table and barely woke for the next 18 hours. We had to feed her while she was sleeping.

I had promised myself that I would not be the type of mother who felt the need to share her daughter's pooping stories, but I decided that this might be a good exception for two reasons. One, someone else might be able to help their poor, screaming child someday. Two, I was glad to have it confirmed that letting a tired (but perfectly fine) baby cry a little before falling asleep is one thing...but when she's really crying, something really is wrong.

Other Updates

The pediatrician had asked us to come back to the hospital to check to make sure that Bella's jaundice had cleared up, so on Thursday, we went back to Hiranandani to see him. He pronounced her healthy and well. She has made it back to and a little over her birth weight, so we were happy about that.

The funniest thing about the visit was that it cost all of 250 rupees (about $5.50 US)--less than our insurance copay at home!

Yesterday, we went to the Surrogacy India offices with Chaya (a Canadian woman here picking up her new daughter, Ella) to pick up some paperwork from the doctors. As we both really like Dr. Sudhir and Dr. Yash, it was so much fun to see them at their offices. They had pictures up of their various clients and a whiteboard with the names of all of the IP's and surrogates who are pregnant and all of the IP's who are currently cycling or who are going to be in the coming months. It was enough to make your head spin--they are busy!

While we were there, a couple from Spain came to meet the doctors and ask them questions about the program. Dr. Sudhir laughed and said that he couldn't have asked for better PR--two babies born through surrogacy and three very happy parents. (Chaya's husband and her son flew home a few days ago). Chaya and I pulled out our very rusty Spanish and between our mangled attempts at remembering the Spanish words for everything and their much better attempts at English, we managed to have a pretty decent conversation. At one point, the wife broke down in tears as she watched us with our daughters. It made me realize yet again how incredibly blessed I am.

We had a much better night's sleep last night--Bella ate at 10:30 and 4 and slept until 8 am. She had soaked through her diaper, sleeper, and swaddling blanket, so I gave her a sponge bath this morning. She didn't think much of it (she wanted breakfast), but she looked so cute wrapped in her towel that I had to share.

Please keep us in your prayers on Sunday night. We head to the Embassy on Monday morning at 9am to apply for Bella's passport, report of birth abroad, and social security card. If we can convince them to give us an emergency expedited passport, we could be home as soon as Thursday...and we are so hoping that it works out that way. We are ready to come home--to have Bella sleep in her own room in her own crib, to have her grandparents get to meet her, to see Zaira and Bella's reaction to having her face licked, and to sleep in our own bed. I also simply can't wait to eat our own food again.

And of course, we can't wait to start having visitors--since we know that many of you are already itching to visit!

Bella's Newborn Quirks

2009-07-22T06:46:00.004-04:00

The first time I changed Bella's diaper, she started peeing everywhere. She has continued this trend a lot. It never happens when Daddy changes her, though!

We have to wake her up to feed her. She is a sleepyhead...and yes, we know this means that she'll probably sleep through the night quickly and that we might just be the luckiest new parents ever.

She loves to be on her stomach and is already trying to lift her head. (We think she's going to be pretty smart!)

Bella likes sleeping in the strangest positions. We put her down on her back, but she often ends up on her side or with her head tilted to one side and her legs another. Occasionally, when we haven't swaddled her before a nap, she lifts both arms above her head.

She is a bit camera-shy. Getting a picture of her with her eyes open was an accomplishment!

Basically, though, she's just perfect.

Bella--Day 5

2009-07-21T06:17:00.002-04:00

Well, this is our first full day all alone with Bella. So far, it has been much better than any of our time at the hospital.

It began with getting a very decent night's sleep. Bella slept from midnight to four and then from four to seven. We actually had to wake her this morning so that we could go down to breakfast and get ourselves ready in time to meet Amit, who met us at the hotel and got us to the store to buy diapers (which I think is above and beyond the call of duty for our travel agent--thanks again, Amit!).

Bella loves her baby carrier, and falls instantly asleep the moment she's put into it. I hope this signals good things for the airports and flights home. I would highly recommend other IP's to have a carrier with them when they come for baby pick up.

My other recommendation is one of the books listed in the sidebar--Secrets of the Baby Whisperer. Tracy Hoag outlines what body language and sounds to look/listen for when your baby cries so that you can figure out what she wants. This afternoon, Bella's bottom lip was quivering while she cried. Shawn glanced in the book, saw that it generally means that a baby is cold (which we would have never guessed, since we were hot) so we put a sleeper over her onesie and re-swaddled her. Bella instantly quieted and then drifted off to sleep for three hours (after which we had to wake her, since the pediatrician said not to let her go more than four hours between feedings). Needless to say, we felt very pleased with ourselves and grateful for our reading.

I have to say that while I knew this before, I definitely have the best husband in the world. We've been trading off feeding/changing/calming duties, and it's great for both of us to know that the other is taking care of things. We're both managing to get in naps as well a decent stretch of sleep at night. Shawn is a wonderful dad. Bella already calms down the minute he puts her up against his chest.

I thought of some tips for other people headed here for baby pick-ups. Expect the time in the hospital to be overwhelming. You get no privacy (people come in without knocking) and only the doctors speak English well. Just focus on getting out of there.

Once you get to the hotel, ask the staff if there is any way they can help you with baby things. The staff at the VITS brought us a hot plate so that we could boil water to sterilize bottles. Also, if you use bottled water for formula (I checked with the doctors--this is perfectly acceptable), you don't have to pre-boil the water and you really don't have to warm bottles. Bella has been accepting them happily at room temperture, and it makes our lives MUCH easier than they would be otherwise.

We called the consulate this afternoon. Unfortunately, the earliest appointment they could give us was a week from today, July 27th. If we can somehow convince them to grant us an emergency passport, we might still get out of dodge by the end of next week. If we can't, I don't know how long this whole process will take. I'll keep everyone updated as I know.

I hope that the many of you who have sent us wonderful, encouraging emails will forgive me for putting up another blog post rather than answering you all personally, but I thought that blogging would make more people happy with the rate of updates. It's nice to feel loved.

I'll close with a few more pictures. The one with her mouth open is of her yawning, not crying :) Isn't she just the cutest little girl ever?

The Apparently "Long" Awaited Update

2009-07-20T07:37:00.002-04:00

I've got to say that it was an incredibly interesting experience to have our travel agent tell us that people on the forum were awaiting updates to the blog. I feel so loved, guys, thanks!

We got into Mumbai around midnight on Sunday morning. We were met at the airport by Ajit (SI's driver) and Amit (SI's new travel agent, who we HIGHLY reccomend). We headed straight to the hospital and went down to the NICU (where they keep all surrogacy babies, I don't know if they have a normal nursery). It was 1:30 in the morning, and I don't think the nurses were too thrilled with Dr. Sudhir for insisting that they let us in to see our daughter. We only got a peek at her Sunday morning, but stood there thinking "This is really our daughter?" It was still so unbelievable, even though she looks quite a bit like me.

We got back up to our room at Hiranandani around 2 and attempetd to get some sleep, but as I had slept the entire plane ride from Amsterdam to Mumbai, it wasn't really happening. (Our flight had inexplicably been upgraded to business class--coach must have full when they rebooked our ticket--and it was fabulous--it's so much easier to sleep on airplanes when the seats recline the whole way. I am going to be spoiled forever). I think the fact that I couldn't sleep also had something to do with the fact that my child was two floors away from me :)

Sunday morning we went with Amit to look at hotels and service apartments. We ended up deciding to stay at the VITS, since we didn't feel the need for a whole apartment. We are really enjoying it so far, and Amit got us an excellent deal, which makes it seem even better!

When we got back to the hospital, the SI docs were waiting for us. It was so good to see them. They had Daria and Stephen with them and the seven of us went to Pizza Hut for lunch. After that, Daria and Stephen came back with us to the hospital as they were finally going to release Bella into our care (I was a little bitter about how long I had to wait for that).

So, we've had her for all of 28 hours, and I have to say that as prepared as I was, nothing could have possibly prepared me for this. Shawn and I have been very proud of ourselves as far as knowing how to calm her, when she's hungry vs. overtired, etc., and I really think that for first time parents, we're getting the hang of this pretty quickly.

However, despite that, I have been feeling so overwhelmed. Last night, all I could think was that I wanted my mother or Shawn's mom. While I felt like I was handling everything (and Bella's been a relatively easy baby so far), I just wanted to know that there was help for Shawn and I if we couldn't figure something out. Beginning parenting is hard. Doing so thousands of miles away from your families in a foreign country seemed ridiculous last night.

This morning, I woke up nauseous, which I thought was entirely due to lack of sleep. So I went back to bed after Bella's morning feeding. Three hours later, I was in the hospital bathroom with my head hanging over a toilet thinking This can't be happening! I can't be sick! I'm in India and I have a baby to take care of.

The oddest thing, though, was that I had no fever, no chills, nothing else that goes along with flu symptoms...and within an hour of leaving the hospital, I felt like myself again. Now I know this sounds crazy, but I have had some very bad experiences in hospitals...and I think that between the stress and the subconscious abhorrence I was feeling for even being in the building, my body reacted to that.

I realize that this might not be the ecstatic I-love-parenting post that many were expecting, but I figure it's better to prepare those of you headed into this for what could be coming. I know the happiness is going to catch up to me--it's there on one level--it's just been smothered by my anxieties and worries for the past day.

Tonight, in a hotel room that doesn't remind me of surgeries or death, I am feeling much more like myself. I am much more condfident that I am going to be a great mother to my daughter. I think the worst of my emotional rip tide has ebbed (let's hope). And I am simply anxious to get to know one of the cutest little girls on the planet.

SHE'S HERE!!!! (but we're not!)

2009-07-17T10:40:00.003-04:00

We are proud to announce that at 11:25 am Mumbai time, Isabella Juliet made her way into the world. She is 7lbs and healthy, as is our wonderful surrogate.

While we are ecstatic beyond belief, we are frustrated by the fact that we got stuck in Detroit last night. Our flight was an hour late taking off, and as we rushed through the Detroit airport, we saw them close the gates on our flight to Amsterdam. We will fly out tonight and be to Mumbai by Saturday night their time...and spend the next 26 hours wishing we were there already.

It hasn't really sunk in yet that I am a parent--despite the fact that I have been making calls left and right. I just can't wait to finally have my daughter in my arms.

Here We Go!

2009-07-16T05:47:00.003-04:00

There's nothing like bolting out of bed to answer a phone call at 1:30 in the morning...especially when it's a phone call you've been expecting every day for weeks.

It wasn't quite the call we anticipated--our surrogate's blood pressure is high, which (according to Dr. Google) can mean nothing...or could mean that it's a signal something negative is coming. The doctors have checked her into the clinic to keep 24-hour watch on her and told us to get to India ASAP. If there is no cause for concern over the next 36 hours, they will wait for us to get there and deliver the baby then. If something seems off to them, they are going to deliver the baby and he/she will hang out in the hospital and be there waiting for us. It doesn't sound like there is any reason to be worried about the baby--the doctors are more concerned for M, but sound confident that she will be fine, too.

Today is sure to be a flurry of packing and preparations. We booked airline tickets already (we are SO thankful that we didn't order tickets. Shawn was planning to do so today). I have to call the credit card company to let them know we are traveling internationally and Babies 'R Us to let them know my parents will be picking up our furniture. I have laundry, tracing down of a few items, and packing to do.

Our flight leaves at 5 tonight and arrives in Mumbai at 11:15 tomorrow night. I'm so mentally swampped trying to think of all the things I have to get done before we get in the car to drive to the airport in 7 hours, that it really hasn't sunken in that I am going to meet my baby in just 2 days!

We covet your prayers. Please pray for our safe journey (that we make all connections as well as take off, fly and land without mishap) and most importantly the health of our baby and M. My goal was always for the baby to make it to full term. We got there. I am so ready to meet this little one, and I am perfectly fine that it's a few days early!

Gosh these next 2 days are going to seem interminable. I am off to pack...the next blog post will probably be one introducing Noah or Bella to the world!

WE’VE MADE IT TO FULL TERM!!!

2009-07-13T06:41:00.000-04:00

According to everything I read, the baby is considered ready to be born whenever he/she wants and would no longer be considered a preemie! This could literally happen any minute now.

I am collecting lasts (as in the last time I do things before I become a mother). Yesterday, I went to church for the last time without a baby. I had my last "just us girls night" with my mom. Saturday, I read a 300 page book in a day--and I am quite sure that will be the last time I do that for a good long while. I've visited with several friends, all of whom have said something along the lines of "The next time I see you, you'll have a baby!"

I simply cannot wait to go to India this weekend. I want to see how big M's stomach is. I want to get a 2 am call that we need to get to the hospital. I am just so ready to meet my baby!

D-Day Approaches!

2009-07-08T07:08:00.001-04:00

We got an email from the SI doctors this morning--M had a scan yesterday. The baby is 6.6 lbs already (this is a little on the big side for 36w2d), has a heart rate of 140bpm, is measuring between 36-37 weeks, and has a new expected date of delivery: July 30!

The doctors reported that M has delivered a little early in her two previous pregnancies, so we're looking at heading to Mumbai between July 18-20! It looks like we actually have dates. Of course, the baby could easily decide to show up today, and we're prepared for that, but we're hopeful that he/she makes it in utero until we get there.

While my first priority in India is obviously to figure out motherhood and take care of my baby, I promise to put updating the blog toward the top of the list. For those of you who are friends and family members, this is the place to look. I probably won't be answering emails for a while and I definitely won't be taking transatlantic cell phone calls (which would cost about $2.50 a minute). We will have Skype, so if you have a web cam, let us know and we'll exchange user names.

I am so, so, so excited! I'm going to India in a week-and-a-half!

Four Weeks to Go!

2009-07-06T09:44:00.003-04:00

Dear Baby,

Hi, honey, it’s Mom. As I write this, you are (at most) four weeks from your birth. Unlike most children, you aren’t scrunched into my stomach, making it hard for me to type on the computer. You are thousands of miles away, wrapped up in the womb of an Indian woman named M.

I want you to know that your existence was prayed for, hoped for, dreamed about, and brought about by a LOT of people. You may just be the most loved and wanted child that has ever existed. I can’t wait to tell you all about your conception, birth, and the long trip across the ocean to get home once you are old enough to understand how amazing it is that God gave you to Daddy and me.

We have been hard at work getting ready for you. I painted your nursery three years ago, back when we only dreamed of you. Right before Daddy and I travelled to India to make you, I bought the frog and duck pictures above your changing table, because I believed that you would be coming soon and wanted to start getting excited about you (and stop thinking about those pesky shots).

Once we knew for sure that you were on your way, preparations really got going. Both sets of your grandparents, your great grandmas, your aunts, uncles, great aunts, great uncles, great-great aunts, great-great uncles, and lots of Mom and Dad’s friends bought you more things than you could ever need. (If you haven’t figured this out yet, you are part of a BIG extended family that already adores you). Your room is already stuffed with more toys, blankets, bottles, and other baby paraphernalia than I would have imagined could fit in there.

Daddy and I have read several baby books and can’t wait to start putting all our knowledge to use…although we’re relatively sure that you’ll teach us that we know nothing about babies at all as soon as you get here.

We have so many dreams for you, little one. Mostly, we hope and pray that you learn to listen for God’s voice and seek His will. If you do that, everything else will fall into place.

However, we also wonder if you will be a math geek like Daddy, a social butterfly like your aunts and grandmas, or something we could never have imagined. We can’t wait to see what you choose…and we promise to leave it up to you (although there might be one or two things I try to discourage you from. Knowing our family, you probably wouldn’t make it as a politician—none of us know how to keep our mouths shut and our opinions to ourselves).

There are a few things we want to instill in you and not give you choices about. We want you to love to read and will do everything in our power to help you find books you enjoy. Daddy has the best work ethic in the world, and I am sure that as you watch him, you will learn to work hard too. Of course, like all kids, we plan to teach you to care about others, to share, and how to be polite. I am sure that I will continue my family’s tradition of helping your learn to keep a house clean, tidy, and full of the smells of Italian cooking.

We know we will teach you some things you’ll wish we hadn’t. Daddy and I were laughing last night that we will both train you to be a bad sport since we are both TERRIBLE losers. We are both a little on the obsessive-compulsive side about certain things—you’ll be lucky if you escape that crazy gene. We will probably also pass down to you our complete inability to dance without looking ridiculous (although you might get lucky there and get Aunt Amy and Aunt Laurie’s talents).

As silly as this sounds, there are so many daily tasks I can’t wait to do for you. I can’t wait to change your diaper. I can’t wait to feed you at 3 am (although it would be GREAT if you learned to sleep through the night quickly). I am so excited to see your reaction to Zaira licking your face the moment you get home. I’m looking forward to watching you roll your eyes and go “Oh, Mom!” when you think I’m being bizarre (and that happens a lot. Sorry, kid).

Little one, I’m counting down the hours until I get to meet you. I am so ready to know if you are a boy or a girl (it has been KILLING me not to be able to find out), to call you by your name, and to hold you in my arms. If you know nothing else in your entire life, know that you are God’s gift to Daddy and me, and that we love you more than you could ever imagine.

Love,
Mom

Nesting

2009-07-03T11:10:00.005-04:00

We are one month from our due date!!!

Every time the phone rings, I jump to get it, thinking it could be the doctors calling to tell me that M is in labor. While I hope and pray that she and the baby hang in there until we get to India, I know it could literally be any time now.

Despite not being pregnant, I am definitely nesting. Our freezer is full of frozen meals for when we return. A few days ago, I emptied our garage of everything in it, used the leaf blower to rid it of leaves/dust/dirt, and hosed down the floor. Then I organized everything as I put it back in. After I finish my blog post, I am about to head down to our basement to organize and sort down there. The closets have all been combed through. (They probably still hold a lot of things my mother would be itching to throw away, but at least I know what's in them and everything's in a logical arrangement).

Two days ago, we got a shipment of 48, 12 oz canisters of organic Baby's Only formula. Shawn figured out that ordering in bulk directly from the company saved us enough money that the organic formula is barely any more expensive than buying the more common brands. (What would I do without a husband who does tons of research?)

Once I packed the formula in our suitcases, I decided to give up as a completely lost cause the hope that we would be able to make it with 2 suitcases, 2 carry-ons, a lap top, and a "purse" to Mumbai. Shawn laughed and said this will be the only time in our lives that we go to a foreign country and come home with less baggage than we went there with. Giving into the inevitable, we're going to have to suck it up and pay the exorbitant fees the airlines charge for an extra bag. As Kerrie said in a comment, however, we've already paid tens of thousands. What's another hundred or so?

I am excited for this 4th of July weekend. We're headed to one of the Finger Lakes to hang out with my dad's family at his cousin's lake house. Zaira thinks this just might be heaven on earth and will spend the entire day dock diving (see the picture to the right if you don't know what dock diving looks like. Zee is VERY impressive at it, in my completely biased opinion). The humans will spend the day getting sun and eating an outrageous amount of food.

To those of you in the States, Happy 4th!

Priorities

2009-06-30T10:28:00.000-04:00

Well, the baby is completely packed. Shawn and I don't have a single thing in a suitcase. Welcome to parenthood, right?

Nearly There!

2009-06-29T06:36:00.001-04:00

35 weeks!

It's still basically surreal, however. I have entered this state of total disbelief--I think it's my mind's way of staving off panic. Don't think about the fact that the baby's coming any time now and you can't start freaking out about everything that could go wrong.

I am also having a difficult time truly believing that I'm not going back to teaching in September. I've been laughing with people about the fact that for the last 22 years of my life, I have gone to school each September. This will be the first time since I was 5 that I don't. It's a lot to get your head around.

I am going to finish packing the baby's suitcases today and then we just wait for a call or for a few more weeks to pass. I'm praying for the few weeks as there are a lot of things I would love to get done around the house in addition to the real reason of not wanting my baby to come one minute before week 38/39--the longer he/she stays in there, the less I'll worry.

This past weekend was the last time, however, when it would have been bad for the baby to come. Shawn's younger sister got married this past Saturday, and as we were both in the wedding, it's better on all accounts that we were there.

Without a doubt, it was the most relaxing wedding I've ever been in. Stressful moments were few and far between and Amy planned so well that we were never rushing around. She looked stunning herself, and had us in the only bridesmaid's dress I've owned that I see myself wearing again. I also got a vegetarian meal at the reception, which always makes life better!

As we were leaving to drive home yesterday, Shawn's older sister gave us hugs and said "The next time I see you, you'll have a baby!" It was a little while into the drive before the smile left my face.

Preparations, Presents, and Packing Lists

2009-06-21T19:01:00.007-04:00

34 weeks tomorrow!

I can't believe that I only have 6 weeks left to wait. I remember being only 6 weeks in and thinking that July/August was so far away. Now it's almost here!

In the midst of this excitement, there are so many people suffering right now. We've lost 3 babies and had yet another round of beta hell that ended badly on the message boards in the past week. I ache for my friends and their losses.

There is no easy way to segue out of that, so I'm not going to try. Switching subjects: this past Thursday, we were visited by a co-worker of Shawn's, his wife, and their son, Charlie, who was born with CDH (their blog is on my side list if you want to check out their story). We prayed for Charlie for months as he was in the NICU, having surgeries and recovering from them. It was SO exciting to meet him, hold him (and I even got to feed him! This was great mom practice for me and for Zaira, who laid quietly at my feet).

Although they didn't need to and we certainly weren't expecting it, they brought us a present. It's a travel bed that is going to be great to bring to India. It was such a thoughtful gift (thanks again, guys!) and is going to be put to good use. I included pictures for those of you interested.

I thought that I would include my packing list for our return trip to India. I am going to start packing this week, and I thought that there might be others who would benefit from it...or who could suggest additions. A huge thanks to Tracy (Million Ruppee Baby) who shared her packing list with me...it made this process much easier. So here goes:

--bottles

--formula

--bottle brush

--bottle drying rack

--formula container (one of those neat little ones with the divided sections)

--baby carrier

--travel bed

--pacifiers

--receiving blankets

--velcro swaddling blanket

--heavy blanket (in case we need it)

--the 25-30 gender-neutral oneies we have

--baby sleepers

--mosquito netting

--diaper bag (we're planning to get diapers and wipes in India to save packing space)

--mittens

--hooded towel

--washcloths

--burp cloths

--baby medications in the event we need them

--baby books (I am trying to decide which one or two to take)

Once we're actually in Mumbai, we plan to buy a bottle sterilizer and possibly a kettle. I still need to ask the pediatrician about whether or not you have to pre-boil bottled water for making bottles. There are so many weird things that you have to think about with a baby. I have read in like 6 different books now about meconium and how not to flip out when my child has a greenish-black, tar-like first defecation. While I am looking forward to most of parenthood, I might be happy to skip detailed discussions about poop.

A Watched Pot (Whose Insides are Roiling!)

2009-06-15T17:19:00.002-04:00

33 weeks!

Time is funny. In one sense, it seems to be speeding by (I only have 7 weeks [at most] to go!). In another, it feels like the watched pot that never boils.

On the work front, things are wrapping up nicely. I've given and graded both my literature finals. I give a Logic exam tomorrow morning, and once I am finished marking it, all I have left to do is pack up my classroom and help with the scheduling committee (for which I volunteered, though I am not sure why. Helping the guidance counselor figure out children's class schedules is not the most entertaining way to spend a few afternoons).

On the baby front, I want work to be over so that I can do everything I need to do. I plan to spend my first few days off work laundering baby clothes, packing bags, and making meals to freeze so that we have food to eat that doesn't involve cooking once we return. I keep hoping that Babies R Us will call to say that our furniture is in. I'm ready to have the nursery finished so that I can put up pictures...and have somewhere to sit whilst in there. (I couldn't resist--how often can I use the word whilst?)

While many clients of Surrogacy India (our surrogacy agency over there) get irritated by lack of news, I am the laid back type who assumes that no news is good news (which is true in this case) or that if something happened, the doctors would call. The last week or so, however, has been a little stressful for me. While we know the doctors aren't prophets (babies come when they want to), we do need a plan in place. Emailing back and forth trying to figure out that plan is a little frustrating...in part because while we want to be there for the birth, we can't go over to Mumbai and hang out waiting for the little one to decide to show up. Shawn's work has been very generous, but we want to leave lots of time on the post-birth end for governmental bureaucracy to rear its ugly head. We would rather be on the safe side (even if it means missing the birth, which would be sad) than not (meaning Shawn would need to fly home earlier than the baby and I, leaving me to manage a 19-hour, trans-Atlantic flight with an infant).

On a different note, most of the people in my life seem to have decided that this baby is a girl. My students have been saying that for months. Two of my closest friends said something along the lines of "Oh, I don't think you'll need to worry about that [meaning circumcision]...this baby is a girl." Another friend said today "When your daughter is in school..."

It's difficult not to know, mostly because it's hard not think of the baby in one way or another. I really do think (based on how our surrogate is carrying) that the baby's a girl. I admit that I hope so. I'm a little worried that I'd have to wrap my head around the idea of a son after 10+ weeks of thinking it's a girl...but I am sure that I would fall in love with him quickly.

I think that's another worry (I have lots of these lately!). Many people who have done surrogacy or adoption have said that they fell in love with their children the instant they laid eyes on them. I think I will, but what if I didn't? What if, like in most relationships, I had to get to know my child before I felt much? I don't think I'd feel the least bit guilty about that, but I have a feeling that other people would be horrified...and will probably make comments in the comment section about how of course I will instantly love my child.

Sorry this post has been so disjointed. I feel like my head is in too many places at once. I wouldn't give any of my literature students a good grade if they handed in this post as a writing assignment, but I don't have the energy right now to make it any better. I guess you're stuck with it!

Stranger Than Fiction

2009-06-09T19:46:00.001-04:00

That cliche just about sums up my life.

There are so many incredible blessings this surrogacy journey has brought me. First and foremost, of course, is my baby. Nothing could be better than that.

We're nearly completely ready for this child. I have a car seat installed in my car. Looking at it makes me smile every time I look in my back seat. The nursery is two pieces of furniture and a lamp away from being finished (the glider and nightstand should be arriving via special order from Babies 'R Us anytime now). I love to go in the nursery and just sit on the floor and look around the room. I am just so proud of it. Shawn told me the other night that it's his favorite room in the house...then added because it's the one that's decorated.

We have to laugh at that at times. Thanks to my incredibly generous parents who bought our baby furniture and the many people who bought us tons of gifts at the shower, everything in the nursery is brand new. Our child has a chestnut crib and dresser. Shawn and I have a wonderfully comfortable mattress we splurged on when we got married, but no headboard or bed frame. And our dresser? Not the new one like the baby's. Our dresser is actually the one I had when I was a baby (it was my cousins'--who are 11 and 7 years older than me--before me and my sister's after me). It's repainted and looks cute, but it's definitely 39-years-old.

The only thing we have left to do is launder all the baby's things and pack a bag so that we can actually have what we need to go to India and do things like feed and clothe this kid. I plan to do all of that once I'm out of school in two weeks.

Speaking of school, I taught my last Logic class today. Tomorrow is my last full day teaching classes. Final exams begin on Thursday. While I know that in 3 weeks, I'm going to be jumping for joy that I'm done, right now I am weepy and sad that I'm going to be leaving my students. I've taught there for 5 years. It's a long time to build relationships with these kids. We've been a big part of each other's lives. I will certainly still visit them next year, but it will be different. I won't get to see them every day.

Back to the "stranger than fiction" part of my life. I got a comment on my last post from a friend I haven't talked to in years. We were best of friends in elementary school before her family moved back to Korea. We wrote letters for a while, but have lost touch since we were 10. I've wondered about her so many times over the years and I was so excited to see a message from her on my blog (to think that she found it!). So to my lost good friend: I would love to talk privately. If you read this, please email me at procreatedinindia@gmail.com. I would LOVE to catch up.

I am so continually humbled that anyone beyond my family reads this blog. I am blessed beyond measure...even if my life is stranger than the fiction I read.

Questions and Anxiety

2009-06-08T13:35:00.005-04:00

32 weeks and counting!

Most of the people around me have been so wonderful and supportive over the course of our surrogacy journey. One of the pastors at our church came up to me yesterday to ask about the baby, tell me how excited he is to meet him/her, and asked to pray with me. A coworker today asked some technical questions about the process of surrogacy, wondering things about whether our baby would have any of the surrogate's blood (it won't, but it's a completely understandable question).

There are two questions, however, that I can't wait to NEVER ANSWER AGAIN...and of course, these are the two questions everyone asks endlessly.

1. Is the baby a boy or a girl? (I don't know and I wish I did, so stop asking me...particularly those who have asked five times!)

2. When are you going back over to India (Did you know the date your child was going to be born in advance? I have no idea! Probably a week or so before the due date)

As impatient as I am getting with these questions, I have to keep reminding myself that people aren't trying to aggravate me, they're trying to ask me about a subject they know I'm interested in. They also aren't aware that literally everyone else has asked me the same exact thing.

Can you tell I'm ready for this baby to be here? As much as I want him/her to hang in there for a good 7-8 weeks yet, I'm starting to anxious for those weeks to pass.

Countdown Continues

2009-06-04T11:57:00.003-04:00

As of today, we are LESS than 2 months from our due date! I have only 19 days left of my working career as a teacher. I have also suddenly been possessed with manic energy trying to write a book on my surrogacy expereince. I've always wanted to be an author...maybe this book will be my ticket into the world of publishing...who knows. Somehow, I have a feeling that I might not be able to write the chapters on motherhood as efficiently as I hope to. I have a sneaking suspicion that Baby I/N/A (insert name there) might not give me hours alone with computer to write.

A Weird Monday Morning and a Non-Surrogacy-Related Rant

2009-06-01T13:27:00.002-04:00

I've had a strange morning. Generally, I like Mondays, because they mean we've completed another week of the pregnancy (31 weeks!) even if they mean the start of another round of work.

Well, this morning, on my way into my morning staff meeting, I slipped (on perfectly even, dry flooring) and came crashing down on my left knee, which immediately bruised and began to swell.

One of the many lovely things about working in a school building is that we have a nurse on staff. She gave me ice for my knee, examined it, and told me she thought that I should go see my doctor. So I found my principal, got a substitute, furiously put together lesson plans, and headed out of the building.

Thankfully, it looks like I just gave myself an incredibly nasty bruise. I didn't break my kneecap nor does it seem that there is any joint damage. I was told to go home, keep my knee elevated, ice it, and enjoy a day off my feet. So that's what I am doing. I have to admit, while I didn't love the injuring myself part, the mandated day on the couch bit is not so bad!

Onto my next topic (weird segue, I know, but there's no better one I could come up with)...I don't spend a lot of time on my blog talking about my faith, although it is a huge part of my life. This post is going to be an exception to that rule. I need to vent. I know that my blog is not a widely-read public forum in which to air my grievances (the news stories and author I mention below are highly unlikely to ever read this) but I need to respond to all of this somehow. I'm too irritated not to.

This story http://www.10news.com/news/19562217/detail.html appeared in the news this week, which only goes to show that intolerance has to go both ways. This couple is being denied the right to hold a Bible study in their own home by San Diego County. This is a violation of the Constitution, pure and simple. In the United States, we're supposed to have the right to free speech and peaceful assembly. While many people are up in arms about this, the fervor is nothing to what it would be if this were a Muslim group (and I think peaceful Muslims should have the right to gather privately, too).

I've increasingly been frustrated by the way that Christianity is depicted in modern American culture. Apparently, because I believe that Jesus is who the Bible says He is, I am generally considered intolerant, ignorant, or misled.

I can accept the first one, to a degree. I do think I'm right about Christianity--that Jesus is the only way to find reconciliation with God and salvation...and others are wrong--I don't think all roads lead to Heaven. (But don't they think I'm wrong, too? Does this make them intolerant or is it only me? After all, someone's right: Jesus is the only way to Heaven, He's one of many ways there, Judaism/Islam/Hinduism/etc. [and not Christianity] is the correct belief system, or there's no Heaven at all. Faith is a gamble any way you look at it--even choosing not to believe in anything). I don't try to force others to embrace my beliefs. I wish they would because I obviously believe it myself. I do try to convince people through rational conversation when the opportunities arise. I also try to convince others that they shouldn't drink soda or eat high fructose corn syrup, hydrogenated oils, or MSG. I don't go around knocking junk food out of their hands nor do I try to drag them to church against their will.

I don't think I'm ignorant. I have a college degree. I don't think science is useless or untrue. I believe that God works through science (hey, that's how I'm having a baby), and I believe He created the world with all the potential there is in it for scientists to discover how to build cars or make babies or cure cancer. I also believe in miracles like Jesus walking on water and Jonah surviving in the stomach of a big fish. Call me crazy, but I think it's easier to believe that an omnipotent Creator made the world and allowed for Noah to survive a worldwide flood in an ark than it is to believe that life and matter came into existence out of nothing. I get why people have a hard time swallowing that--I can understand someone looking at the Bible and thinking that it's too fantastic to be believable, but I hope those people do so after honest study and reflection.

While I grew up in a Christian home, I studied other options. It's just that while I continue to consider the options, Christianity still seems like the best explanation to me. There is much more proof that the Bible we have today is what was actually written at the time (and therefore that Jesus was who He claimed to be) as there is that Julius Cesar's Gallic Wars can be trusted as a historically reliable document...and there's not a historian I've read of who doubts the authenticity of the Gallic Wars. This is not ignorance. It's an informed choice about what I believe and why.

The people who think we're all misled are the most infuriating to me and the catalyst behind my rant. I read an interview given by Jodi Picoult (an author I like, who is far from Christian) on Powells.com this past weekend (http://www.powells.com/authors/jodipicoult.html if you're interested). In her research for one of her books, Change of Heart, which I have not yet read, she says in the interview that: "We're seeing the rise of the evangelical movement, where the Word of God is the Bible. That's all very well and good, but the Bible was created almost single-handedly by one guy who decided what went into it. And I will be the first to tell you, if the Bishop of Lyon, Irenaeus, had not done that, there would be no Christianity." This statement--and statements like it--drive me crazy, because they are categorically untrue but accepted as fact by many who don't bother to look into them. Irenaeus was an influential person in the development of the New Testament as we know it today, but he was hardly the only one, nor did he decide what all Christians the world over believe today. A whole host of people between AD 150ish and AD 363 contributed to the discussion of which books went into the New Testament and why (check out http://www.orthodox.net/faq/canon.htm if you'd like an accurate picture). Their criteria for considering a book Scripture had to do with issues like whether or not the author could be proven to have lived with and known Jesus and/or his disciples. I have a much harder time swallowing the "new" evidences that are constantly popping up that Christians have distorted Jesus' teachings simply due to the fact that historically speaking, there is no other book with as much textual reliability as the Bible. These "new" discoveries are errant nonsense at best.

I feel better now. I had to get that out of my system. I realize that my rant is probably a little impassioned, but it comes from a very frustrated place. American culture is always going on about religious tolerance, but no one seems to understand what tolerance means. Thinking others are mistaken is not intolerance--it's admitting your bias instead of pretending that you don't have one. If I was out on one of the Crusades killing people because they don't believe in Jesus, I would understand the argument (especially since I know for a fact Jesus would NOT condone such behavior). However, I'm not. And I live in a country that has a Constitution which demands religious freedom for its people. I have the right to believe in Christianity, practice it peaceably, and disagree with those who don't believe in the Bible. For those who preach religious tolerance, part of it means tolerating the fact that others think you're wrong (because admit it, you disagree with me, too!)

I'd be happy to discuss it with anyone who wants to discuss (as in a rational conversation, not insulting me or what I believe. I reserve the right to censor hurtful comments--if you don't like what I have to say and simply want to bash Christians, start your own blog).

Greetings from Chicago!

2009-05-26T15:30:00.004-04:00

I have been having an absolutely fabulous time here with my college friends. There is something about being roommates with girls...having spent SO much time together that you can fight like sisters as well as dissolve into laughter about shared memories that makes these friendships particularly special. I know that I will never have friends quite like this ever again. I'll never have as much time to put into a relationship with anyone other than my husband and children as I did with these women. It will always make them very special to me.

We've spent the majority of the time just hanging out--not doing much besides talking, laughing, and sharing memories. I've loved every minute of it, even the minutes where we've been sitting in companionable silence. I really enjoyed last night when Natasha and I had an hour-long conversation in her room before going to sleep (she is definitely one of my favorite people in the whole world and my longest-time roommate [I had 11 roommates in college between the dorms and living in a house with 8 my senior year, all but 1 of whom I got along with well and still love]).

A great part of this trip has been the fact that I've really gotten to enjoy my roommate Christine's 8-month-old daughter, Madison. She's such a good baby and really seems to like me. It's also wonderful that Mike--Christine's husband--and she are very sensitive. (For example, the only conversations we've had about breastfeeding are things I've brought up).

Through some conversations I've had with my friends these past few days, I came up with a list I thought you would all enjoy, so I've shared it below. Let me know if you think of anything to add to it :)

Great things about NOT being able to carry your own child:

1. You get the baby. You get to skip the morning sickness, swollen ankles, loss of bladder control, losing your figure, and having to squeeze a 6-9lb person out of you. (You do have near constant anxiety attacks about someone carrying your child a half-a-world away from you, but it's suppressible most of the time).
2. Your sex life isn't interrupted in the slightest.(Yay!)
3.You don't have strangers coming up to you and touching your stomach (I'm affectionate by nature, but strangers touching me weirds me out).
4. You don't have to give up alcohol, caffeine, dyeing your hair, or eating sushi (the only one I care about is not giving up my occasional glass of wine. I don't really partake in the other things. I don't drink a lot at all--averaged out maybe a glass or 2 of wine a month--but I hate not being able to have it).
5. You're not exhausted the first day or so after the baby's born (I'm sure I'll catch up quickly, but the beginning will be great).
6. After the baby is born, you get to make people super jealous when they see you with a newborn and a non-pregnant stomach (I don't plan to volunteer to strangers that a surrogate carried my baby. I plan to enjoy their jealousy).
7. You don't have the option of exclusive breastfeeding. This means that Dad can get up in the middle of the night to feed the baby too. (I'm looking forward to that).
8. People are ridiculously generous because they know how much this baby cost you (I still can't believe the amount of amazing gifts we got at our shower).
9. When people feel the need to complain about their pregnancies around you (seriously, shut-up already!), you can say "At least you didn't have to spend $30,000 just to have a baby." That silences most people.
10. You appreciate your child so much more than most people do. After all, you sacrificed blood, sweat, tears, and more for him/her to exist. There will never be doubt in anyone's mind that this child was wanted (least of all his/hers).

Nearly 30 Weeks

2009-05-23T21:44:00.001-04:00

I can't believe that as of Monday morning, we only have 9 weeks to go. I feel like I'm counting down everywhere--not only about things having to do with the baby. I have 10 more days of teaching classes, and then final exams begin, I pack up my room, and I end my career as a teacher. I still can't decide whether I'm ecstatic about that or depressed--it depends on the moment and how well my classes are behaving.

Tomorrow, I am flying out to Chicago to meet up with my college roommates for a mini-reunion. I haven't seen one of them since right after we graduated five years ago. She and her husband are missionaries in China and are home for a visit. It's likely that I won't see her for another several years, so I was so excited to be able to go on this trip. Shawn, sadly, has to save all his vacation time for when the baby comes, so he is stuck here at home while I stole his frequent flier miles to have a girlfriends' soiree. (I have the best husband in the entire world, just in case anyone was wondering).

I realized as we were planning this trip that this is my last hurrah for being able to (easily) jet off for a few days. In just two months, jetting off will mean either car seats, strollers, and the like or a baby sitter...and may seem more like the great escape then hetting anywhere. It's just another reminder sinking in that life is changing immutably.

I'm so eager for these changes, but I'm scared to death, too. I'm going to be responsible for another life. While I'm sure that I know the basics of infant care well enough that there's little likelihood that I'll damage my child (physically or emotionally)...I know that I will screw my child up in my own unique way...because let's face it, everyone does. I just hope that these screw ups will be little things. I decided at 6 that meat was gross and I wasn't eating it (and I haven't since as it still grosses me out). I could live with a kid who had neurosis like that (I'd be quite the hypocrite if I couldn't). I don't want to have the kid who hates reading because of something her mother did or a child that bullies his classmates to feel powerful. I know that, in reality, I cannot control who my child grows to be, nor do I want to, but I know that I have a big influence on that. I hope and pray it's the right one and that I don't make too many mistakes along the way.

To end on a lighter note, while I spent a good portion of my day cleaning the house and weeding the yard, Shawn and I did get to go to a state park not far from our house. While I have been there before, I never knew that a part of it was an off-leash dog walking area. There are so few places where that's allowed around here (we do it all the time anyway as our dog is pretty obedient, but it's nice not be disobeying the rules). Zaira had a blast playing with the other dogs and has been collapsed on the sofa zonked out all night. I must learn to tire my baby out the way I've learned to tire out my dog!

This Gets More Fun Everyday!

2009-05-18T05:35:00.005-04:00

29 weeks!

This past weekend was great. It started with a long drive to Ithaca, NY, where Shawn and I spent the day shopping for the baby and hiking with Zaira in the gorges to look at a waterfall. It ended with my NY baby shower yesterday.

We stopped at an independent baby store called Jillian's Drawers because they specialize in cloth diapers and other novelty baby products. I went in the store thinking that my husband was crazy, that cloth diapers were going to be tons of extra work, and that I was basically humoring him. I left sold. While we're definitely going to be using disposables in India, we're going to make the switch around 2 months when the baby will fit in the "one size" cloth diapers Apparently, other than running the washing machine more often, there's really not that much extra work. If anyone wants to check them out, this is the store's website: http://www.jilliansdrawers.com/.

Our hike was tons of fun. It was great to just relax together, and as you can see from the picture, Zaira was in her element. (We saw a much bigger waterfall, this was a mini one along the way).

And THEN there was my baby shower. It was on the large side (I believe there were 38 people there). It reminded me a little bit of my wedding--I knew everybody there and was so thrilled that everyone wanted to talk to me. I tried to make it around the room to talk to everyone for a while, but it was really easy to get sucked into interesting conversations!

The pile of presents was overwhelming to say the least--we got so many beautiful things (thanks again everyone!). It's hard to believe that one little person could possibly need all this stuff. All the women there assured me that the baby doesn't actually need much of it--I do.

Shawn and I had so much fun playing with everything last night. We set up the bouncy seat, put the changing pad/cover on the dresser in the nursery, put out the rug, looked through everything else and decided around 11 pm that we really needed to get to bed. After school today, I plan to do two things: run to my parents' house to say good-bye to Laurie (my sister) before she heads home, and then get back to playing with all of our new things. I will probably take some time to make dinner, but other than that, I plan to just enjoy "my" new toys and books.

I should probably start on thank you notes soon...as you can see below, we got so much it's taking over the living room, so I have a lot to write...but I want to try everything out first so that I can tell everyone how much fun I'm having with it!

Looking Up

2009-05-12T11:32:00.004-04:00

So, this week is already looking up as far as my busy-ness (yeah, I know, not really a word) factor goes...and in other ways as well.

I had a doctor's appointment this morning for a minor complaint, and I went to my principal to ask for a period or two off. She said that instead of getting other teachers to cover for me (which is what we usually do when we have doctor's appointments in my building) that she was just going to get a half-day substitute for me. This decision was based on our previous experience with this particular doctor's office. The last time I had to be there in the middle of my work day, I waited for over 2 hours before I saw a doctor and had to call school in a panic to get someone to take a class.

It was a God-send. I was able to sleep in ('til 7am--no one else in the world considers that sleeping in but [sadly] I do), grocery shop, and walk the dog all before my 9:30 appointment. Then, of course, my appointment went smoothly--I was in and out in half an hour--and I had until 11:30 before I had to be back at work. I spent it at the library and the bookstore. I swear, if someone gave me $500 and told me to spend it on anything I wanted, it would probably be books. I have a list of about 10 new ones I now want to buy.

Better than any of that, though, were the emails and reports we got from SI this morning. M was in the clinic and they offered to video chat with us--but as it was 2:30 am here, we missed the invite. We did, however, get to read all about M's blood and urine (this poor woman--I feel a little guilty that I see all these medical records!). She does NOT have gestational diabetes and everything looks good. It's simply a fabulous experience not to be worrying. I can't wait until Sunday to get new baby stuff to play with. I'm thinking that I may actually enjoy the end of this pregnancy...and my last two-and-a-half months to be selfish and sleep!

We're Definitely There!

2009-05-11T08:56:00.005-04:00

By all accounts, we are officially and completely in the third trimester!

With every passing week, I feel less stressed. Knowing the baby has made it to the point of viability is such a relief...even while we are glad that every indication is that he or she is planning to hang out in utero for a good while longer :)

I have been ridiculously busy, and this week is probably going to be worse yet. We just got back from my SIL's college graduation (we're so proud of you, Amy!). Zaira has a vet appointment tonight, I have a faculty meeting tomorrow, a wine tasting class on Wednesday (I'm really looking forward to that one!), a fund raiser with my seventh grade class Friday night, a hiking date with another of my SIL and BIL on Saturday, and my NY baby shower this coming Sunday. I don't know when I am going to get a chance to go grocery shopping, cook dinner, and clean my increasingly dirty house. The house may just stay dirty...the eating part I am going to have to make some time for!

Without a doubt, though, the best part of my weekend was an email from my surro buddy, Emma. After a horrific experience with a surrogacy clinic in India (not ours), she came home with an infection and a negative result. We have emailed and prayed for each other and I have truly been grieving for her. The great part, however, was that out-of-the-blue, she and her husband were called by their adoption agency and have a newborn baby girl, Emma Grace, just in time for Mother's Day! I don't know if I have ever been so excited by the birth of a baby before. After all that they have been through, I am so grateful that the Lord worked this out for them.

I should get back to my mountain of school work...but blogging is so much more enjoyable!

Not Long Now

2009-05-03T13:51:00.001-04:00

We are 3 months from our due date!

I can't figure out if we're in the third trimester yet or not (Dr. Google is vague as to whether the third trimester begins at 26 weeks, 27 weeks, or 28 weeks. Shawn says that according to the IVF due date calculator, we're in the third trimester by development. No matter when the third trimester begins, we're in it or close to it).

We got an email from SI confirming that the lack of news lately is a good thing. According to Dr. S "M. is doing well with no concerns at all." I really liked the phrase "no concerns at all." I wish those of us in the surrogacy world heard it more often.

Tagged

2009-04-29T20:18:00.004-04:00

Well, this is a first. I have never posted twice in one day before, but Jojo tagged me, I had time to kill...and I think this post turned out much more interesting that the first, anyway. So, onto 8 things:

8 Things I Am Looking Forward To:
BEING A MOM (of course)
Quitting teaching to be a stay-at-home mom
Seeing at least 5 of my 8 college roommates over Memorial Day
Publishing a book someday
Seeing my sister in a few weeks
Having a newborn and having people look enviously at my non-pregnant stomach
Opening the bottle of Pinot Grigio currently in my pantry
My husband getting home from choir practice (I know, I see him every day, but I still like to hang out with him!)

8 Things I Did Yesterday:
Tried 5 different ways of explaining a rule governing the validity of categorical syllogisms to my 7th grade Logic students before they finally got it. (Is your head spinning? Theirs were...but it's no where near as hard or impressive as that sentence makes it sound!)
Realized that I have at least 4 yearbook students who want to compete for the 1 editor's spot open for next year...and all 4 are good choices.
Laughed with my coworkers as the told me that labels they'd given each of the junior high lunch tables based on which kids sat there (the Mall, the Garage Band, the Gym, Chuck E. Cheese, etc.)
Walked my dog
Spent some cuddling time with Shawn on the couch
Skipped washing the dishes (I regretted that today!)
Watched part of the Twilight movie (and I'm not embarrassed to admit it, loved the books!)
Went to bed early

8 Things I Wish I Could Do:
Help more people understand the Bible and find salvation
Find some way to thank my surrogate for what she's doing for us (words, money, and gifts are not enough)
Let my family know how grateful I am to be their wife/daughter/sister (words aren't enough here either)
Be filthy rich so that I could finance other people's surrogacy attempts
Have a flat stomach without working out
Get my 8th grade boys to stop bullying one another
Speak a foreign language fluently
See my out-of-town friends more often

8 Shows I Watch:
The Office
Lost
The Big Bang Theory
Friday Night Lights
Brothers and Sisters
Grey's Anatomy
Private Practice
Prison Break
(Is it sad that this was the easiest category to answer?)

8 Favorite Fruits:
Does chocolate count?...because I'd rather eat that! (Seriously, I make myself eat fruit because I know I need to. Same for vegetables. While I eat relatively healthy, I'd rather have carbs and sugar).

8 Places I'd Like to Travel:
Australia
Back to Santorini, Greece
Back to Ireland (I lived there for 4 months)
Sicily (I've been to other parts of Italy, but didn't make it there)
Amsterdam
Egypt
Korea
Machu Picchu (partially just so that I can make it to all the continents!)

I don't know that I have people to tag, because Jojo tagged most of our surrogacy friends with blogs, and I doubt my family/close friends who read my blog will answer this in the comment section! I had fun doing it, though.

Preparations

2009-04-29T19:11:00.003-04:00

The nursery--the room is really starting to come together. Our organic crib mattress arrived and is in the crib with a frog and duck sheet on it (my husband has tons of allergies, so we figure that we should help our kid out all we can!). We got floating shelves to put up on the wall. Some of the wall hangings are up. All we need is 14 weeks to pass so that we have a little person to put in there!

We had a prenatal appointment at a pediatrician's office today. We plan to go to at least one more office, but we really liked what we saw and heard at this one. It was so fun to talk to the nurse practitioner and the doctor about all the things we need to think about once the baby gets here. We liked the doctor's take on not pushing antibiotics, appreciated that he spent a long while discussing immunization schedules with us (you hear a lot about that in the news, much of it sensationalized), and most of all were very pleased about how much time he took to talk us (I hate feeling like I am rushed through a doctor's visit).

In a non-baby update, Shawn just booked tickets for me to go to Chicago to visit most of my college roommates (I lived in a house with 8 other girls my last year) over Memorial Day. Because he has to save all his vacation time for India this summer, he can't come, which we're both bummed about. He is, however, the best husband in the world and is happy that I'm happy. And I'm ecstatic. My college roommates are some of my favorite people in the world, and I don't see them enough. One of them is home from missions' work in China--I haven't seen her in 4 years--and while I saw most of the other girls at my friend's wedding this past summer, once a year is not often enough to see some of your closest friends. This is my last hurrah as a non-mom. I'm going to enjoy this freedom while I've got it. (I'm going to enjoy the mom part so, so much, but I do know that my life is about to change forever!)

Torn

2009-04-27T13:16:00.005-04:00

I'm stuck in the strangest place right now. I am so happy about my coming baby--so ready to be a parent instead of dreaming about being a parent--but I feel guilty about being so happy when others are hurting.

Two of our forum members have lost their babies in the past week--one of whom was a couple who we met in Mumbai and who had their egg retrieval/embryo transfer the same days as we did. Their son was born and lost at 25 weeks--so close to the end. The other couple were almost to their second trimester. I literally ache for them both. A few other forum members have had miscarriages and negatives in the past few months. In my face-to-face world, I have a friend dealing with the beginning stages of infertility testing (and treatment) and a few who would love to have children, but are not financially able to yet. I struggle to know how to be a good friend to these people.

It's easier in my face-to-face world. It's just not that hard to talk about something other than my child. This blog, however, is a different story. The whole purpose of it is to share about this pregnancy. I worry that my happiness will add to their grief. I really battle with jealousy and anger watching other people get so easily (and for free!) what I've had to fight for. I can't imagine how much that is compounded when you've made it this far into a surrogate pregnancy only to be disappointed again.

And I really grapple with knowing what to say. I believe that God is in control, that He has a purpose in what He allows in each of our lives here on earth. Yet I know how unhelpful that sentiment is to someone in pain. I wish that God answered all our questions. I wish I knew His plan sometimes. All I know is that I believe there's more to life than what we see here.

"Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again. " Psalm 71:20-21

Due to Popular DEMAND...

2009-04-25T09:17:00.002-04:00

...here you go.

If we have a girl, we're going to name her Isabella Juliet. If we have a boy, we're deciding between Noah and Andrew.

You are all welcome to vote on which boys' name you prefer (although keep in mind it will have very little bearing on what we choose--I think we'll probably just look at our son and decide what he looks like to us...if we have a boy...and I still think we're having a girl). But our child will have one of those three names--they are not open to public debate :)

Janka, we had fun with that website--thanks for posting it. Jojo, I agree that it's difficult for teachers to choose names (there are a few names that have been ruined for me forever), but I currently have a Noah that just might be the sweetest child alive. Amani, I think that Grandpa has a better claim to a middle name than your stepson (sorry, Will!). And Kerrie, I don't know if my child would ever forgive me if I named him/her Schiki!

100 Days

2009-04-24T08:54:00.003-04:00

We're officially 100 days until our due date!

I have a sneaking suspicion that our little one might arrive a few days before our due date...I'm hoping, though, that it's a few days and not a few weeks.

I'm realizing lately how completely differently people think about everything having to do with babies. When I told one of my friends how happy I was about our planning--that our baby is due in early August (meaning that I should easily be able to finish out my school year), she said "Yeah, but unfortunately, your kid will have a summer birthday." As we discussed this comment, I figured out that she meant that it's sad for kids in elementary school not to have a birthday during the school year in order to celebrate with classmates. Laughing, I said that I had always wanted a summer birthday as a kid because I'd wanted a pool party.

Then there is the subject of baby names. My name is Carrie Jo, which isn't terribly common. In junior high, I hated having a "different" name, but other than those few years of my life, I have enjoyed it. I never have to add my last name when I call people on the phone or wonder of someone is calling me--or someone else--when they shout a name across the room. I am, almost always, the only Carrie Jo they know. I thought that I would pass that uniqueness on to my own daughter or son. We ran into two problems, however. I don't like a single weird boys' name I've ever heard...and my husband doesn't like 99 out of 100 less common girls' names I've suggested (things like Kerris, Lorelai, Lenore, Devonny, Annika, and Arianna).

So after discussing baby names for the last four years--I thought a few times that my husband was going to refuse to talk to me if I brought the subject up again, but I love to come up with options!--we finally arrived at 2 possibilities for a boy and 1 for a girl. All three names are very normal. While it wasn't my first choice to have such common names, I have been able to think of lots of positives. For example, I could never go into a store and find pens, Christmas tree ornaments, or other trinkets with my name on them--we always had to special order them. My kid won't have that problem.

As we have been sharing these names with people, we've gotten lots of comments. People usually tell us which of the two boys' names they prefer. Most people will say complimentary things. Then there are the few who say, "You know, that name was on the top 10 baby names list the past few years." To which I reply, "I know." (I always wonder with this last set if they think we're consulting them about our choices. We're not.) My students are the best, though. All the girls go "Awww" and all the boys tell me I should name the baby after them....to which I think, yeah right!

My last contentious subject is when I tell people that I don't plan to warm my baby's bottles. Most people look at me like I've lost my mind and as though I'm trying to torture my child. However, I've done some research about this. There's no health benefit to warming the bottle. It seems like a waste of time to me. I'll do it if my kid won't eat any other way (I'm obviously not going to starve my child) but I bet that the kid won't know the difference.

Can you tell that I'm going to be a take-charge parent? I have pretty strong opinions about most everything else, so this shouldn't be much of a surprise to anyone who knows me!

Outside My Comfort Zone!

2009-04-22T13:22:00.002-04:00

Situation #1
I had a surreal experience today. I teach 7th and 8th grade at a private school and have a handful of older students in yearbook. I can't tell you how many people over the years have asked me why in the world I teach junior high. I really like the age group. Yes, 13-year-old girls have their moments of being witchy nightmares, but they are also really sweet a lot of the time.

Well today, they asked me to cover a 3rd grade computer class. I found out that there is a VERY good reason why I don't work with 8-year-olds. They are way too stressful for me in an educational setting. I'd be happy to run a soccer game with them, but getting them to sit and be quiet is another story.

What made it worse was that there weren't any lesson plans left for me. So I had to ask the 8-year-olds what to do. Not fun. It was basically organized chaos. I gave them two rules: they had to stay seated and they could not attach any equipment other than headphones to the computers. Otherwise, they could play around in Microsoft Word or Mavis Beacon Typing. I think they had fun. I didn't. I was far too worried that something terrible was going to happen.

Situation #2
I said on Monday that I am re-reading parenting books. While I am relatively confident that I am as prepared for motherhood as books can make me, I have decided that for all their usefulness, most of these books drive me crazy. I don't want to read another word about breastfeeding. I am so sick of hearing about how that's better for children. I really get it. I'd love to, but inducing lactation would involve more stress than I can reasonably add to my life right now.

All of these books do say that if you can't breastfeed, you shouldn't feel guilty, etc. They then go on to have nearly every example having to do with feeding involve discussions about breastfeeding. In my darker moods, I'd love to rip these books into little pieces, despite all the other good information in there.

I wish there was a book out there for new mothers that was written specifically for those of us doing surrogacy. No mention of pregnancy, breastfeeding, postpartum, etc. Maybe I'll write one someday.

Back to the Grind

2009-04-20T10:04:00.003-04:00

25 weeks and counting! We've nearly made it to the third trimester!

My spring break is over and I am back at work. I really enjoyed the rest of my vacation. I cleaned out closets, which was sorely needed, but I also spent a lot of time just relaxing (which for me, mostly equates to reading books). I figure that at the most, I have 3 months left of being able to be selfish. I might as well enjoy them, right?

I've just started to re-read Babywise, which was our favorite parenting book and the method we plan to use to help us establish routines, get the baby to sleep, etc. Both my sister and brother-in-law and two of my close friends have strongly recommended it, and all three of their daughters are enjoyable babies, so we're hoping to follow suit.

It's amazing how real this is. Only 15 more weeks!

Surprise Reactions

2009-04-18T06:55:00.001-04:00

You know the kids' story about the tortoise and the hare? I feel like the tortoise right now...slow and steady wins the race, but slow and steady is taking a LONG time!

Truly, we have enough left to do that it would be really bad if time suddenly seemed to speed up, but I'm really just ready for it to be time for my baby to be born and meet him/her.

I did, however, get to do some exciting things in preparation for the baby yesterday. I called two pediatricians' offices in our area to schedule "prenatal" appointments. One receptionist was all business, but the other just gushed about how wonderful it was that we were able to hire a surrogate. That always makes me feel good.

I also went to the bank yesterday to wire SI our third trimester(!) payment. As I was waiting for the teller who handles these things to get back from her lunch break, I suddenly hear "How's your baby doing?" in this very excited voice.

It was the teller, to whom I had told the very short version of "we're doing surrogacy in India" story back when we sent our wire for the first set of funds right after we got confirmation of the pregnancy. She remembered me from back in November and wanted to hear all the updates. When I told her how surprised I was that she remembered me from that long ago, she said, "Well, you just have the best story!" That also made me feel really good.

I have had a few people say stupid things to me about surrogacy (and one not too long ago got into the "you should have adopted" subject), but for the most part, people have been so great. I have been humbled by the amount of strangers (like the bank teller) who are so genuinely excited for someone they don't know.

I think my favorite response of late, though, has to be my high school best friend's dad. He is also the head pastor of my childhood church, where my mom still attends. I called him a few months ago to tell him about our surrogacy. He had a conversation with my mom about it a few weeks ago.

"You know, when Carrie Jo called to tell me," he said, "I was so happy for her. But right after the excitement I felt for them, I thought 'Do you have any idea what some people are going to say about this?' Then I remembered that this is Carrie Jo, and I thought that it doesn't matter what people say, she's going to be just fine."

And I have been. Sometimes, during the few conversations I've had with critical people, I've had the thought, "Do you really think that your disapproval is even a blip on the radar of my excitement about my baby?" People who are excited for us do add to my joy. Those who aren't? Couldn't care less.

Excitement

2009-04-15T12:12:00.005-04:00

I've been experiencing a lot of excitement lately. Most of it is due to the fact that I've begun to believe that we actually have a baby on the way. Some of it is due to other things.

Take yesterday, for example. In the morning, I took several cardboard boxes to the curb to be picked up by the trash collectors today. I cleaned quite a bit more of my house, then took the dog to the park to meet up with my cousin, so that the three of us could go for a walk.

When I returned home, I pulled into the driveway, hit the button to open the garage door, was pulling in, and stopped 3/4 of the way up the drive. My front door was standing open. I knew that I had shut it after taking out the boxes, but as I wracked my brains, I realized that I might have very well forgotten to lock it.

Feeling a bit foolish and more than a bit nervous, I dialed 911. I told the operator my story, and apologized, but said that I didn't feel comfortable going into my house--I had no idea if the wind had blown open the door or there was an armed robber inside. She agreed and sent a dispatch to the cops in the area. Then, because she is legally bound to remain on the phone with me until the police arrived, we chatted about her day, my walk with my dog, etc.

The cops arrived about five minutes later, and entered my house with guns drawn. Only a minute or two later, they waved me in and showed me that the front door is not latching properly and that we'll need to be positive that it's locked (so that it remains closed) until we can fix it. I felt like a bit of an idiot, but they couldn't have been nicer to me. Plus, I got to see three armed policemen storm into my house the way that they do on television!

I am on holiday from school this week as it's spring break. I have not gotten as much done as I would have liked to, but I have gone shopping with my mom twice, made out invitations for my baby shower here in my hometown, written thank you notes for the shower this past weekend, added a few more items to the baby registry...and, (drum roll please!) worked on the nursery! Now, to be fair, most of the results you see in the picture below are due to my husband and his coworker, Vince (thanks again, guys!). However, I have had lots of fun rearranging the furniture with Shawn and putting clothes into the dresser drawers.

I figured that I would put up pictures of the nursery in stages. We're still at the beginning: we have painted, have curtains, and now have half the furniture (our rocker and nightstand have yet to come in). I'll post more pictures as I have things on the walls and more furniture added to the room. But it's still a little crazy. There's a room in my house that has a crib!

Baby Shower Loot!

2009-04-13T20:42:00.005-04:00

I have officially had a baby shower!

It was so much fun--it was a small party, which is sometimes better, since you get more of a chance to talk. My mother-in-law, aunt-in-law, 3 sisters-in-law, 2 cousins-in-law, and I were it. While I think that lots of baby shower games are stupid (sorry to those of you who like them), I really enjoyed the ones we played. We passed around all the ultrasound pictures and played "guess the gender" (not that you can tell from any of the ultrasound pictures that Indian doctors are allowed to take). Everyone took a trivia quiz with questions about baby names, due date, where I plan to have the baby sleep, etc.

Then, I opened gifts. For there only being 7 people giving us gifts, they gave us TONS of stuff. (Thanks again everyone!). I actually couldn't get a good shot of everything but I tried down at the bottom. The blanket was made by our baby's great-grandmother who couldn't be at the shower (my husband's grandmother who I am really jealous of as she's still basking in the Florida sunshine!) I just can't wait to start using all of these cute baby things.

Check out the blog again tomorrow...there should be some more interesting pictures!

As Per Lisa's Request...

2009-04-10T07:44:00.000-04:00

...there is now a "guess the gender" poll to your left. Please feel free to participate. And in case you didn't see it, check out the baby belly in the post below!

I have my first baby shower tomorrow morning. I'm going to be a mom in 3 1/2 months! Ahhh!

The Baby Belly!

2009-04-09T07:56:00.006-04:00

<----That's my baby! Right there! As I sit here typing, my eyes are all welled up, and I am having trouble believing it--because usually, when I see a pregnant woman, I feel slightly sick. But M and her baby bulge are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. (M's face is in the picture we received, but I want to respect her privacy and not post her picture all over the internet).

I cannot send enough thanks to Nik, Lisa (http://152am.blogspot.com/) and Dr. Yash for taking pictures of M and our baby for us. We wish so much that we had the vacation time to go to Mumbai so that we could see M in person, but since we can't, this is the next best thing. Surrogacy friends are truly the best. Nik was in Mumbai for all of 3/4 days and took time out of his schedule to do this for us.

And since I promised Lisa...here's my guess. Based on how our surrogate is carrying (lower and in the hips), I think we're probably having a girl!

We Have Officially Entered the Twilight Zone

2009-04-05T03:58:00.010-04:00

Or, at least, that's how it feels. According to my baby books, as of 23 weeks, which happens tomorrow(!), we have reached the point that the baby could potentially live outside the womb. While we are praying and believing that this baby will not make his/her appearance for another 4ish months, it's crazy to think that we're this far along in the pregnancy already!

Shawn, my mom, and I all took a trip to Babies R Us yesterday morning...to order nursery furniture! My parents bought us our crib, dresser/changing table, and nightstand. Shawn and I bought ourselves a glider. With every next step for getting ready, things seem a little more surreal...like this is really happening...like the dreams I've had but been scared to believe could happen since I was 15 and and found out that I'm infertile are actually coming true.

I have my first baby shower this Saturday with Shawn's side of the family. I know it's ridiculous, but it's been so exciting to watch the baby's closet fill up that I can't wait to watch his/her room do the same!

As per usual, I included some pictures. The crib is in the finish we ordered it. The glider we ordered in a finish to match the crib...and with a more practical (i.e. darker colored) microfiber fabric. Isn't this baby going to be every bit as spoiled as I am?

And for those of you wondering, yes, I posted this at 4 in the morning. The dog got sick and I was up cleaning carpets...and since I couldn't get back to sleep, blogging seemed like fun!